Good morning from snowy NY!!!! I am officially over the snow, and we are due to get ANOTHER snow storm tonight and yet one more on Sunday. I cannot stand it anymore! Moving onto more pleasant subjects……. is our monthly By Invitation Only post and this months theme really made me pause and think. The theme ischallenge and we are to talk about a challenge, big or small that we are facing.
I have a few this year, all I am confident I will conquer but they are challenges nonetheless. I could have talked about the challenge of needing to lose 20 pounds! But then devoting an entire post to it makes it official and it also means I need to do something about that right this minute and I have the Superbowl and all the yummy foods that go with it to contend with and there is NO WAY I am missing out on that:) . I need to “get in the zone” to do that, the good news is I am nearly there. And when I get in the zone, there is no stopping me!
No the challenge I instead am going to talk about for all the world to see and hear is the challenge that is looming above me like a huge black menacing cloud…that of becoming a, I even hate to utter the word………… anempty nester. There. I said it. I cannot stand to think I will be one of them. Just saying it practically makes me break out in tears. This is coming from me, the one who cries over every Johnson and Johnson’s, Disney and even the newest iPhone commercial….show me a wobbling toddler with thunder thighs and you are guaranteed a storm of tears! Here’s the deal…….
I have spent the last 26 years of my life totally devoted to my three kids. Yes, I definitely did not deprive myself of doing things for me too, I dabbled in things for myself all the while, design, hobbies, tennis, social outings, everything I wanted to do but the truth is the epicenter of my universe (and still is) was always my kids. So this year, 2014 is going to be a really tough year, a very challenging year. At not even 50 I feel too young for this to be happening. So indeed there are positives and negatives aboutstaring young! (take note people)
And so the cyclegoes…we start out just the two of us
And soon, our family grows and there we are pushing the symbolic carriage while the other(s) trail close behind on a tricycle or bike with training wheels…..
Then we expand, growing into an even bigger family….
And how did that happen! Soon they are all grown up, towering over us……
And then we are down to two yet again……
But eventually, the silver lining is we will be a big family again, a slightly different variation as this time it will be an , extended family with daughter in laws, eventually God willing grandchildren and again we grow….
My oldest is about to close on an apt in NYC and move off on his own (once they go that’s it I am well aware). My middle son has plans to move to California by the summer and so far it looks like its full speed ahead. My ‘baby” is heading to college in Sept. And there’s certainly no stopping that! It almost seems cruel that within a 6 month span, all three will be flocking the nest! I can just about deal with one…but two and then three? It is almost too much.
I think one of the biggest challenges to me is that this means this “chapter” of my life is coming to an end and an entirely new one is about to open. I do not like change, don’t do well with it. Always end up adjusting and we all know sometimes change can be an awesome thing but that “in between” bridge really freaks me out.
A metaphor for me would be crossing from solid secure beautiful ground filled with an endless field of perky flowers (life with my kids at home) and then having to cross over a long rickety, perilous bridge looming high above roaring waters ready to suck me in (the transition period), until I get to the other side, another plot of stable secure land albeit a different landscape (the “new” empty nester life)!!
I will miss the “having to drive them”, the continuous requests for their favorite meal, the begging of preparing a very late night snack (normally mac and cheese), the cries for an ironed shirt when they are quickly getting ready for a dance, it’s always ” mom to the rescue”! I will miss being needed and wanted on a day to day basis and think I secretly coveted doing a job that only I could do:) Now they areall grown up and ready to assert themselves by taking on these small, seemingly insignificant tasks on their own and it is time for me to slowly step back and allow them to flourish and learn and become independent.
But I know they know I will always be here for them. Unconditionally. So…….I know I have company out there!! PLEASE tell me, for all you veteran empty nesters, how you have coped with that transition period that I inevitably know we must all face. Any secrets of the tomb? Please share….I can use all the help and advice I can get:)
I know as with the hands of time that there is no turning back. Getting to see my kids grow, spread their wings and head out into the world equipped with the blessing of an education and eager, idealistic eyes is a privilege that not all get to see. So for this gift I am thankful and will remember that those cherubic, silky smooth, pudgy little hands will always, no matter how far they go be a part of me, and me a part of them………….
Many thanks for stopping in and caring about what I have to say. I appreciate your feedback and support, even when its not all about pretty things and beautiful rooms:) This is real life after all, the good, the bad and the sappy, but thankfully it’s mostly good and pretty:)
Also just a few more days to send in your KITCHEN LOVE contest pictures!! Send in to [email protected]. I have gotten in many beauties and cannot wait to share:)
It was a very difficult time indeed when i “pushed” my kids out of the nest, for their on good i thought…one went to California to school and the other to University in Shanghai. i was a wreck but slowly my brain, my heart and my body became accustomed to just be with my husband and my friends, until…..my older son moved back to our small cottage attached to the main house, my younger son came back to go to UCON instead and after a time realized it was much cheeper and more comfortable to live at home….and my mother in law moved in with 2 nurses…I will mention that my long time friend found shelter in the house as well…I truly miss my days as an empty nester!
Tina this was so beautiful it made me tear up. I am far away from being in your stage though I am 47 but it reminded me of that nothing is forever and to enjoy the “business” of our kids even when it feels stressful, its a good kind of busy.
I remember my mom going through a tough time when I left (I am the baby) but soon after she dusted herself off she went back to law school and at 53 started practicing law! So anything is possible and with all your talents I have no doubt you will do something big and significant! Annie
Dear Tina, Our children left the nest many years ago and, as much as it seems daunting, it’s fine….. different but fine. They say that the best parents are the parents who can let their children go and that is so true. They must find their own way, find their own roots and make their own mistakes but, we are always here to help when they need it. I think that it’s the thought of it that is worse ….. once they are gone, you just get on with your own life and, it’s not as if we won’t see them anymore is it ?!!!! hehe One plus point about the whole thing is ….. the house stays a lot tidier and it’s so much cheaper !!!!!!! …. well, the food bill is a lot cheaper hahahahahahaha. Try not to worry …. all will be well. Have a great week Tina. XXXXX
Tina, as I am not a Mom, I can not offer any advice, although I love Jackie’s above. But I just wanted to thank you for your honest and very moving post! I wrote about being on that scary bridge of transition for mine and I hate it too. But we will get through to the other side, one way or another! Sending bisous from Provence, Heather
I’m not a Mom either but the pain of not being a Mom has never left me, so in part I can imagine how you feel. No doubt you will make the most of every additional moment and I hope some of those moments will be “just for you”. Have a great day. Mona
Think of it as a new chapter in your life. its time for you now and your husband, for new adventures and freedom. this is how you raised your children, to be independent and self sufficient. your more than a mother.
Hi Tina- I am also a “young Mom, early soon-to-be empty nester”. I have 4 kids and at this time they are #1 out of college, living out of state -#2 senior year of college out of state- #3 Soph in college out of state and #4 8th gr…(thank goodness for the trailer.) At 48 I am not at all ready to have my chicks completely out of the nest. Trust me going from 4 kids to 1 at home, was and is, an adjustment. I loved being home with my kids and being the go-to in their lives. Now the older ones don’t need me and the youngest is so independent and “not needy”. So as all of my friends remind me- I did a great job! The hardest hours for me are after dinner- those hours are quiet and peaceful…and long. My husband is fine with the slowing down of the day because it is his time to relax, read, watch TV etc. My 2 pieces of advise to adjust to the change of “full-house” to “empty nest”– Save all of your quiet activities for the end of the day where you can sit with your husband and just be together. I used to be frustrated that he would watch a show that I wasn’t interested in yet he would still want me in the same room as him. So, now I read the paper or a book or work on a project at that time. He likes me keeping him company, and I don’t feel guilty because I’m not off in a room by myself. Also, I go to bed earlier than my husband and no longer feel bad about it! It’s ok to take time to do for yourself- not for others. That is the biggest adjustment for me. I love taking care of others and now I need to take care of myself. It’s a new chapter in the book of our lives- but the book is going to be worth reading!
Your words today make me aware of the time, how fast i flyes. I am raising three beautiful little boys in ages 3, 8 and 10. Sometimes it takes som much energy that I forget how blessed me and my husband are. Thank you for reminding me to enjoy this period of life! I think I can understand what you are going through right now, but I am sure that when the transition period is over, there will be a new happy phase in life again. You creat so much beauty around you, and you are sharing it with us, for that I am greatful! Kind regards Maria, Sweden
As Mother’s we are more frightened about the changes than our children. But – they are still children and they are a bit scared too {they just don’t want to admit that}. Expect calls and emails about really simple things they need to be reassured about. When the kids move out you will be busy as they continually consult you on things they depended on you for. There will be phone calls as they stand at the stove attempting to cook on their own. Thanks to the world of technology we can ‘chat’ at any moment. You will discover yourself in a new way. Suddenly we stand back and see ourselves as women – not just Mother’s.
My children live very near by, but I often send them greeting cards in the mail. It is a little gift for me to sit and send them a love note, and I think my children enjoy getting a hug in the mailbox along with the bills.
We give our children roots first, then we give them wings. Grab hold of this new chapter in your life, because you never know what the future holds. Soon after I was an empty nester, my husband died suddenly, way too young to not enjoy the fruits of the efforts we put in to raising the children. Fortunately, my husband and I worked as much on our partnership as we did raising children, so the transition for us wasn’t really that difficult, as we were looking forward to more travel, building another home and many other activities. I loved being a parent although the teenage years can be challenging! Mine were only a year apart. When mine were gone I have to say that volunteering kept me busy and happy. My dogs and horses still needed me as well…..no rest for the weary! How exciting it will be for you when the family grows again! Job well done Tina. Getting our children to adulthood can be challenging, and it sounds like your boys are well prepared for their future.
I remember when my first son left home and I cried and cried. I had another son still at home (13 year age difference!) but “losing” the first to his own independence was tough. After 2 or 3 months, I calmed down and turned his bedroom into my own little sanctuary – stereo, sewing machine, etc. At the end of a year he decided to move back home, look for a job closer to home, etc….I cried and cried as I had to give up my newfound sanctuary 😉 So, you see – as sad as it is to watch them go, it’s really a great accomplishment and does show that you’ve done your job as a Mom. Our whole purpose is to raise them to be independent, caring, thoughtful and strong adults who can make it on their own. And having been through that twice now, I also know it’s a wonderful time to learn to love your hubby all over again and even more than that, to learn to love yourself all over again and begin the process of following your own “boomer” dreams so to speak.
OhTina, I have no words of wisdom, but I feel for you. I know it is going to be hard. But you have a lot in your life, and you’ll be ok, happy too! It will be a hard adjustment, but I know you’ll be fine. I’ll need similar advice in 5 years when my first goes. I’m thinking of you! xo Stacy
I am right there with you! Just turned 48, another daughter is graduating form High school this year.. and the baby is going to high school. It is such a realization or fear that they dont really need me anymore as they once did, and the whole world that revolved around them for over 20 years is suddenly changing. I deep pit in my stomach at times when I think of how time flew and what is in store for the next chapter. THe only thing I can say is that it helps to know that you are not alone in how you feel! A very moving post, thank you!
Hi Tina, I went though this about 4 years ago the same year I lost my best friend to cancer. I am also under 50. I am not going to lie it was very sad. Every time one of my kids moved I would try to convince my husband we should move to the same area……haha. But what seems to work best for me are big projects. I have opened my own business , remolded most my house and have done a lot of traveling. My husband and I have found these adventures have brought us closer together and feel like we are building a new life for ourselves without bugging our kiddos to much. I must say I really enjoy this time I wish you the best on your new adventure. Rachel
My dear Tina I am very much with you on this, I too find change very hard indeed….So I speak from my experience..and hope this becomes true now for you….I grew up in the most idyllic family and lived in a beautiful home, filled with happiness and love.I had happy, fun, very stylish parents who loved family, people, entertaining,working, travelling, horses, music,nightlife, fashion, gardens…you name it.. Their energy, love and zest for life was infectious, prodigious, unbelievable really..my father was disabled… We ( three kids) had the most fine education and start in life,travelling and exploring, living away ….but for all our independance ,do you know? we never really wanted to leave that oh so beautiful home….. being with those amazing parents( only my Mum now )…….and we still dont..They are the very best company, and our home is the most special place on God’s good earth Now we all live close by, one brother sometimes still lives there… So I think and I hope……..when you have the most beautiful home and have been amazing parents and raised a lovely family as you have..they may go away for a little while but they will never really leave.. love to you xxx
I heard this expression once that really made me chuckle.. and it’s intended to lift your spirits, Tina. “God made teenagers so when they leave home you won’t miss them”. I do understand the entire empty nest issue. We never stop being mothers… ever.
Tina you can be very proud that your children are ready to start life as adults, for that means you have done a great job as a parent. When my son and daughter left the nest, it meant new adventures and opportunities and I embraced the time and opportunity to pay it forward more than ever! I have the joy of my grandchildren, Isabella at 14 spends a lot of time with me and is a constant joy! xoxo Karena The Arts by Karena
I was laughing with the 1st comment…. as you know, I have three small kids and trust me, I love them more than anything else, but some days I too feel I wish they’ve already grown up… We all have days we want to be quiet, alone and have enough time to go to the bathroom without having anyone calling your name!!! LOL
Look, it is obviously hard, but you will adjust. The most important is that you are here to see them grow and build their lives! This is my biggest dream… to see the paths my kids will decide to walk on… that’s the beauty of life, my friend!
It’s going to be fine Tina. I’m a hop, skip, and a jump ahead and you’ll surprise yourself at how you persevere through this new and exciting time. Yes, there will be moments but you will also enjoy YOUR time. We are actually looking at downsizing which sent me into a fit of anxiety about a year ago. Now I am excited about building (yes building and thank goodness for all the inspiration you’ve provided me over the past few years!) ….. a smaller place as we no longer need a half a dozen bedrooms and I’m ready to do a massive purge (we still have stuff from the kids childhood). My husband still comes home and says “what’s happening tonight”? as we are still adjusting to the lack of commitments in the evening. I have bought a day timer to start writing down what I am doing on my days off to keep me focused and on track. The tough time is when my husband travels and being alone. I’m learning to put myself out there and call on my friends when I need them.
Once a parent, always a parent. They still need you:) and always text with a question (that’s the only way I get a response from my son! 😉
Can we help each other? My son will be a senior next year and then my first baby..the one who made me “mom” will be off to college. I am already worrying about it. I am so thankful that I have another 4+ years before my baby daughter goes to school. I do not handle change well at all even though my common sense tells me that it is not a bad thing most of the time. I am prayer buddies with a friend of mine at my daughter’s dance studio, and we would love to include you. I am a firm believer that we cannot get through this life without the good Lord, and us girls have to stick together and support each other. If you are interested, please let me know.
As an empty nester for some years now I can only say take this time to re-connect with your husband; try putting yourself first for a change & take one day at a time. I spent most of my 47 years of marriage putting everyone’s needs above my own (still do sometimes) but I constantly need to remind myself that I need to be there for me also.
My eldest has recently found it necessary to return home after a marriage breakdown so you see this cycle of life is constantly changing. They will always need you but it will just be different. Your family will grow & change just like it does for all of us, so take this time to watch them from the wings.
Oh, Sweetie…they’re boys. They will never really leave Mama. And they all cry their first night away from home…girls can’t wait to escape, but not the boys. Just wait for the grandchildren…huge fun!!!
Tina, this is the most special post you’ve ever written! I feel the “real” you. Just so beautiful. Their leaving is part of life’s cycles, it’s normal and expected. Once they are actually gone physically from the home they touch you in different ways. They still reach out for both parents, sometimes calling many times in a day (girls mostly). But the joy of seeing them excel and seeing them happy fills your heart with even more love and pride. Once they marry, even if you don’t like the chosen girl, accept the wife as part of your family, lead her gently into your way of thinking, and you will see the beautiful blossoms forthcoming. Enjoy the time with your friends and your husband. And, just think…you can sleep late!!!!! Sending love and many thanks for being an integral part of our splendid group.
I am the oldest of 4, my husband is the oldest of 6, and we have one daughter. During her senior year of high school until she started college,I would privately, and she would say publicly, have empty nest attacks. It did pass and I enjoyed the ‘freedom’ with just my husband and myself, And as most of them will do, she is home again while in Grad School. They always make a detour home it seems as they journey along on their path through life (I did too). And now, it is back to fixing a meal for a vegan, a meal for a raw food only vegan wanna be, and a meat eater. I so love having her home again, especially so that I can ask her if she would like a piece of furniture or some dishes, etc. for her new apartment she will have one day soon? I know that for me, the real empty nest feeling will surface once again when she gets married – Ellen T
Hmmmm. I never had empty nest syndrome! Not at all. For me, it was another step in life, and one that came on gradually and easily. We have one daughter and had her late in life and the three of us are very, very close! But there was such joy in life for all of us, plenty to go around, that having her leave was a totally good thing for all three of us. Now, ten years later (she’s 29) it is still pure joy. She’s independent and because she is so happy, we are happy (and yet we have lots of time for ourselves and our own interests!)
Oh – you sweet thing…. okay so get ready to laugh at me.. I never had that problem.. but it has a little to do with our oldest daughter being one of ‘those’ kids… if it was sunny and clear outside – she would say it was raining.. ; if she was angry, she made sure everyone in the house was unhappy with her… and so on and on….. When the blessed day came that she was off to college, my parting words to her (amist all the sobbing parents around us).. was I love you, but you fly or you die..I explained what i said before I left telling her that from now on, all of her accomplishments were owned by her, but on the same token were the failures. I am thrilled to say that now she is a beautiful responsible and loving daughter, wife and mother. I am so proud of her… but boy did she make the empty next syndrom a non-event for us!!!! God Bless your sweet heart.
Oh Tina, I remember it like it was yesterday…heading with two cars to drop Kristy off at college, thankful that she had so many things to take that I would be able to drive home alone. After unloading, setting up a room, taking her to lunch and procrastinating as long as possible, we gave her a warm hug and headed to our cars. I could not speak…after driving home in tears for the 2 hour trip, I was ok. The next night, my husband and I set down for dinner at the table that had never had less than 4 (there was always an extra friend or boyfriend). We had idle chitchat, but the air was so heavy. I kept thinking that if he didn’t say anything, I would be fine, but ultimately my husband says “wow, it sure is quiet” and the flood gates opened. We headed for our first visit after she was there 3 weeks – it was a football weekend and our alma mater so we HAD to go – this was the turning point for me. When we saw her in her element, so happy, carefree and enjoying every second of her college life with her new friends we were fine. I too began enjoying my life with my husband and a freedom to come and go without the thoughts of empty houses, or I should be home…and as you say then life begins again as spouses join the mix and then the precious, precious grandchildren. I must say that as hard as it is to believe, you will love this stage, and enjoy hearing all of his new adventures and seeing him grow and become an independent young man…
I feel your pain. My youngest is a Senior and will also be gone next fall. It’s so hard. Ugh. I try not to think about it, but try to think about what adventures I want in my next chapter. Dogs help. Loyal and good company – and they all act like kids. I’m sure Teddy will be thrilled to be “the only child.”
I feel your pain but if there is anything I have learned after my peep flew the nest it is to listen, listen, listen and only offer your insight when you fell it is absolutely necessary or asked for. It will get better and you will fill your time with all you love.
Your words about becoming an empty nester were so heartfelt and I could totally relate. I too devoted myself to my children, finding that making “good productive human beings” seemed so much more important than any job. We are so close that some people find it unusual.
With that said, I want to relate that our oldest has fallen on some difficulties and we are contemplating how to help or whether she should come home. The problem is that she now has 4 children of her own. My husband and I just returned from living in Key Largo for the winter, this is our “alone” time, our time to refresh and escape from all the problems and issues with family, kids, jobs etc. We came home just in time to deal with issues affecting two of our children….not to mention the weather! So my advice to you is this….enjoy the time with just your husband, just the two of you. Relish the time you can do quiet dinners, read a book, and not have to answer the calls and needs of the children. They will call with those requests before you know it, and you’ll be flying and travelling to help them.
I found the time alone with my husband to be “easy” and it was enjoyable to make new friends in a new environment.
Oh Tina! I have tears in my eyes! My oldest graduated highschool last year and it was so emotional. I would love to come back later today and read the comments that your readers leave to give you some insight on what to expect. Congratulations! It really seems like you’ve done a beautiful job at raising three healthy happy boys!
Oh sweet Tina… don’t you worry that pretty little head of yours… you will be fine. I admit it started off rocky with me but then I began to really like it. Then I started to feel guilty and now life is good. It is a rite of passage and you are such a wonderful woman with so much talent, interests, and a great sense of humor. You have all the qualities of being a fulfilled empty nester! Hope to meet you in person some day. We could start a sexy empty nester club!
From a mother of four sons who has faced insurmountable challenges…Give each one totally and completely to God knowing that He will always have them in His Hands and praising God for ALL things of which He will work for the betterment of those who love Him and who believe in His Son, Jesus Christ…Praise Him for both negatives and positives…Always counting your many blessings in Jesus’ Name…What satan means for evil, God means for good…
Wow. I am tearing as I read. I am only beginning my journey as a mom, but have felt my mothers pain when this happened to her. I always tell myself that I will do things differently than her, that I will have so much going on my life that when its my turn to be an empty nester that I wont suffer the same. But thats just crazy talk. I doubt there is much that can be done to relieve some of the pain of this hard transition. I think of all the natural life transitions…this one and death of coarse are probably the 2 hardest. But I do love your metaphor…part of thegrieving is because you aren’t on the same stable ground you were on for 25 years, but soon, like my own mom, you will reach a new stage of comfort and solid ground yet again. Good luck to you and congratulations for all the years of mommy hood!
Oh Tina, this was so beautifully done. I do feel your pain but am happy to say that there is some good news! There is a happy ending on the other side, I promise. I was devastated when my babies (my two twin girls) both left last year. After about a few weeks of my own pity party,I decided to get a life as they always tell me and signed up for photography classes and started taking an accounting class at night, I also started playing tennis again! i threw myself into a bunch of activates to keep myself busy and guess what? It worked Today I am happy, well rounded, more active than I have been in 20 years and my kids are actually really proud and happy for me. My husband sees the difference and its a win win. So it is a great time to celebrate “you” and this special time for you and your husband. You can travel, eat when and want and take last minute trips without having to consult anyone else:-) There ARE perks trust me. And the truth is your kids really never leave you and still need you, just in different ways.
Tina, don’t kid yourself, as much as you are not ready to let go, they never really do either! Great post, and looks like you are getting a lot of great advice!
Your words “miss being needed” sums up so very much….it’s one of the most complete joys of being a mother i think…at least it has been for me….here in Australia children do not move out at a young age anymore…at least compared with my own generation….(I moved out at 15, I would be horrified if that happened to my own children)…it’s now so expensive to set up home as a young 20 year old…but I too dread the day when they all leave home. But then, on the flip side…every cloud has a silver lining, and life is there to make of it what we will…it will free up your need for being needed to something else, which will no doubt reveal itself when you are least looking, or so I hope. And by the by, I don’t think children EVER stop needing their parents’ guidance and love and support, no matter how far away they live.
Having all of the children grown and on their own is different. It’s also rewarding at the same time to know that they learned from us along the way and now we get to see how much. Oh, don’t get me wrong they have taken some bumps and bruises along the way. There were times when our home seemed to have revolving doors with a couple of them moving back in for a couple of months or a couple of years. We’ve been tempted to let them have their bedroom and install Mom and Dad Caves.
Our oldest and youngest still live in town and that makes the empty nest a bit more bearable. Even now that they’ve all flown the coop I tell myself that I really need to get a life. I too have outside activities that I do just for me but still I find myself always wanting to be there and be involved in their lives. Especially now that we have grandkids. As Mom’s I think that is a natural tendency, and for me I know I will always be there for them.
On the other hand, I love having the house to myself sometimes. Back to just the two of us again takes some getting used to. The Mr has his hobbies and I have mine. There are no structured meals and I can wing it if I feel like. Thanks to modern technology staying in touch with the kids is easy. Although there’s nothing like a real live in person hug! This is the next chapter and I plan on it being an exceptional one. I know your’s will be also.
Tina- what you have taught your kids these last 26 years is forever a part of who they are. If you taught them to love and to care and to cherish then they will continue to do all those things even on their own. You have given them the wings to fly, you should feel very proud but at the same time comforted to know that no matter where they go and who they they know their “nest aka home’ is always the center of who they are and where it all began! Trust me, they will be back again and again.
Oh my sweet girl…I know that heartache. I was as you, focused on raising my boys to be outstanding young men. I know the tears that come with each child leaving the nest. I know the proud moments of their accomplishments throughout the years. I know the tears shed when your heart aches for them after they’ve gone, to see, to touch, to make hot chocolate for, to do laundry for, :). I know the joy of the visit and the waves good-bye as they go and you can finally get your ‘house back together!’ Then there is the joy of a wedding and a grandchild and your heart leaps when you see your children parent and the love of the little one is unmeasured.
You will do fine, you will have moments, but then there will be the new adventures you have when you don’t have to worry about the clock and everyone’s schedule!
I have tears in my eyes…it hasn’t happened yet, but I know that it will all be so totally different in the next 17months… Thank you for your honesty and beautiful writing– they are clearly lucky to have you for their Mom
Yes Tina, this is a challenging time. Kudos to you for speaking out loud about it. I am an empty nester also and until this past year I had 3 children in 3 different states. All I can tell you is that as hard as it is it is also nice to not know what to worry about! And grandchildren! Oh they are a blessing and so much fun I can hardly stand it. You will fill your days with so much that you will be busier than you were when the kids were at home. And you and your husband will get closer and date again. You will do fine, cry when you need to and have fun in this next stage. Blessings.
Tina, Everyone of your followers made such great comments…and all true. From my personal experience with my two children, it was an exciting time for them but for me as much I also felt excited for them to go away to school my heart was breaking when we had to say our goodbyes….but between work and me shopping for things I knew they’d love, I looked forward to sending them their special care packages; it got me through…until we got to see them next. Now they are grown raising their families and they too will experience what all parents go through.I always believe that by experiencing sad, tearful times one appreciates those happy, sweet moments even more. 🙂
I so feel your pain as I experienced it two years ago. But I am here to tell you that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Once you adjust you actually begin to enjoy the fact that your time is yours and your husband’s. And they always come back!:)
Having just read all of the beautiful posts, you have been given such sage advice. We are now empty nesters, and have been blessed with a beautiful grand-daughter which helps with the transition. One of my favorite sayings,”when god closes a door, somewhere he opens a window” is so true. Think of this as a new window, with so much in store for you and your husband. There will be sadness of course, but with it comes much joy . All will be fine, you. You’ll see….
I’d like to echo what so many of your readers have said…. You’ve done a great job raising your kids and they are doing what they are supposed to be doing. And soon you’ll have time to do whatever makes your heart happy. Also, I really think that senior year, for my youngest, was actually harder than when she finally left. Senior year is all about the “Lasts”— for you as a mom and for your kids— the last teachers conference, the last high school dance, and the last concert or play or whatever their passion is…. So many endings. But something great happened at the last graduation party…. It became all about the next exciting thing. The first day of college, the first parents visit. The first return trip home. The focus changes and if you’re lucky, the kids are happy and you will be, too! Try to truly look forward. Good luck!
Oh my goodness, Tina, how did I miss this post! Your eloquent writing about the challenges of adjusting to an empty nest has tears streaming down my face. As you know, this is something I was VERY concerned about when my youngest went off to college. I am pleased to say that 18 months down the road, I am happier than ever with my life. My blog and new career as a travel consultant have given my life such a positive direction and my husband and I are really enjoying the time alone. The children call every day and still need things all the time…our roles as mothers never end…they just change. I am living proof that you can make it through to the other side of this challenge! and think of the freedom you will have to travel!! Many hugs to you, my dear friend…I promise it will be alright!! xoxo
So beautifully expressed. My great and wise German grandmother used to say it like this…..a home is like a field, some are fertile and filled with many beautiful flowers and grows easily, its beautiful so people love to be there, even when those flowers fade and their petals fly away, the roots still remain. And before long new flowers emerge and grow with the same vigor. The field is your home, the flowers are your kids and the new growth is your new family ( children spouses and grandchildren). Sounds like you have a very fertile filed that will always be filled with people you love Tina, blessings to you, it is a transition to be sure but one I am certain you will make and do so successfully.
Tina, Dr. Seuss says it best with “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.” It is sad and ugly and lonely without those little faces waiting for only you to fix everything, do crafts with, play with, drive everywhere. I have also spent the last 23 years at home raising my 2 children. I have a 22 year old daughter now living and working in DC. She went to Georgetown–a great school, a reach school and because of it, she is still reaching! And that is what we wanted to provide for both our children. Our son is a sophomore at Georgia Tech, and my “buddy”, the one who will take care of me when I get old. The one not afraid to kiss me good-night at 19 or say he loves me over the phone (first) in front of all his fraternity brothers. Every morning I open the blinds to their rooms, take a look around, and remember what it was like when they were still under our roof. It is crushing sometimes to realize that it is never gong to be the same–where did those 18 yeas with each of them go?? But they were great years–full, fun, annoying, heart wrenching, silly, wonderful years. And what makes it all worth it is when we can all remember them and still laugh together! Or, when my son calls me because he is in Atlanta and the car battery died. Or, when my daughter calls for my recipe for eggplant parmesan to make for her friends and boyfriend. Or when she calls just to talk– she calls her 53 year old mother just to talk because she actually wants to… We will always be their mother, but now that they are young adults, at times, we can even be their friends. And I couldn’t pick better friends!!! So, smile….
Firstly, please send us some snow. Here in Australia we have had wave after wave of over 40 degree days, that is over 100 to you guys and I could do with a bit of cold about now. Often we come over to ski and get a bit of relief. Secondly, about being an Empty nester, I have basically been one for a few years as one son has left for University about 5 years ago, and the other is in Boarding school. I absolutely Love this stage as I really appreciate seeing my sons and don’t get all cranky about mess or noise or getting them to get off the computers or go outside and play or clean up their rooms. I think it is important to make family holidays together. We like to rent a holiday house for the whole family and take them to the beach or to the snow for a week or two. We also go and see them and take them out to dinner and have a lovely catch up. I also like to take them to the opera or a movie. We are lucky in that the youngest is only 1 hour away and the oldest only 3 hours away so we can catch up quite often. The best part is that I really enjoy just being with my husband. There is always the phone and Facebook to keep in touch.
Tina – thank you for this heartfelt post! You remind us to relish the drives, the laundry, the help with homework, the mudnight snacks and all the little moments we spend with our boys. Soon they’ll be off on their own as well and we’ll have to create different grown up memories with them. Hope you are warm and cozy on this snowy, rainy day! xxoo C + C
What a touching post! Having gone through this about 4 years ago now, these are my thoughts on this situation. Firstly, let yourself feel sad and cry if you feel the need. I sure did and found it very cleansing. I think it is very normal to be a little apprehensive coming into this new phase of your life. I kept telling myself that this was always the goal. That our children would some day feel independent and strong to go out there and live their life. Mind you I did have to repeat this often but it did help me. Today both kids live a fair distance from us, but we have a very close bond and see each other as often as we can. Also I found having a dog really helped with this transition. She is always ready for a cuddle and very generous with her kisses 🙂 Hope this helps Jeannette
Tina, This is such a touching post. Your kids are soooo lucky to have had such an amazing mom as you. No matter how far they go from you, you will always have an impact on their lives. I can’t imagine how tough it is to let go. We weren’t lucky enough to have our own children, but it twists my heart a little every time I realize how quickly the little ones who play such a big role in our lives are growing up.
As hard as this challenge will be, I’m sure you will tackle it with all the energy and style that I see of you here on your blog. I can’t wait to see what you will do with this next chapter in your life.
On your other challenge, the weight loss, I haven’t talked about it, but I lost 25 or so pounds in the last year. The weight loss itself was due to stress, but I’ve kept it off for nearly a year now and feel great. It’s not easy, it takes work every day, but how I love being able to fit into just about anything! If you ever want to talk about the changes I’ve made in my life, I’d be glad to share. One easy tip – http://www.barre3.com. Barre3 changed my life. It’s a workout I love and do every day -sometimes twice! Even if you don’t have a studio near you, they have a fantastic video series you can subscribe too. The 10 minute videos are my favorite – I can always fit one in -typically in my kitchen, just before getting dinner on. I always feel great when I’m done.
Good luck with all the challenges ahead, Tina. I know you’ll weather the changes with grace.
This brought tears to my eyes for you Tina, I can tell you are the kind of mom most kids dream of having. You are fun, loving, giving and so caring. That much is evident through your blog and though I have never met you, I consider you a friend. The best advice I can give is while you usher and encourage your kids onto their new life, do not forget to take good care of yourself! It is a good time to rethink priorities and start figuring out what excites you and what YOU want to do with your new found time! Best advice my own mom gave and it was then that I went back to school and got my masters and at 51` started a new career! It might be a new chapter but let it be a great one!
There is no doubt you are blessed with many talents so I think anything you try to do you will succeed in and find happiness in. Best of luck to you, Tina
Well this was a poignant post for me! I am in the exact same situation. I am the Mother of 3, the youngest being twins who are heading to college in the fall. Gulp. Of all of my “jobs” I have loved being a Mom. Probably one of the hardest jobs in the world but also one of the most rewarding. I have been trying very hard to prepare for the new normal. They still come home, (I have a junior in college) but it is different, the family dynamic changes. I wish you the best and please know, you are not alone!!
Hi Tina, I too have three and I am an empty nester. I must share this with you. When the first one left. I cried as I pulled away from her freshman dorm at College of Charleston and it lasted a good half year. When my son moved into his dorm I suspected it would be easier and instead I cried for two days, I was so down and it totally surprised me. I really braced myself for my baby girl’s first day of college. I moved her in, and I shed a tear, but when I got in the car to drive away it was, woohoo! A new beginning for me! Instead of the beginning of the end of an era it was pure joy! I was totally surprised with my own reaction. Yes I am generally a happy person, extremely sentimental, I too cry watching certain commercials so I was absolutely baffled at my reaction. You’re creative and ambitious, you will be fine. Good luck on your future adventures! Love your blog, thanks for sharing you enthusiasm for your home.
OK, don’t laugh, as my kids are only 12 and 9, but I found myself fighting back tears as I watched the parents walking their adorable little (and they are so little!) kindergartens into our beloved elementary school yesterday morning. My 9 year old daughter is very tall and mature for her age and will be graduating from elementary school next year. I realized how fleeting these early years are. I see my middle-schooler 12 year old son becoming so much more independent — really, he only needs me for rides and meals these days — and I know that my daughter will be there herself in just two short years. She still likes to snuggle and read to me at night, and I so treasure that time knowing how fleeting it is. I honestly don’t know what I will do with myself when they are both out of the house. My daughter has already commented that it will be “really sad” when she is in 11th and 12th grade and her big brother is away at college, leaving just the 3 of us to stare at each other at the dinner table. 🙁
Hi Tina, Happy Snow Day?!!! The upside is I’ve gotten to spend more time with my kids. Like the reader above, mine are 9 and 12 and I found myself earlier today thinking how quickly the time goes by and wondering how I can make the most of each and every day with them. So, although we are very close in age, we are at two different points on the kid spectrum. I find it really helpful to hear how it feels where you are, so that I can really savor the days I have now and the many ones ahead. One of the best quotes I came across recently is “The days are long, but the years are short”. So, on those days that don’t seem to end, I’ll be reminded of how it feels when my “baby” is about to leave for college and leave me an empty nester.
The good thing is that you have a very full life and you will have places to put your energies. I think that is so important…to keep yourself relevant, interested and involved.
Thinking of you today across our mutual frozen pond! 🙂 xoxoxoxo Elizabeth
thank you for being so open in this post, tina. it IS a challenge when we’re invested parents like you. i can’t claim to be an empty nest expert quite yet (only 7 months in) but i can speak with some confidence when i say adapting is easier than i imagined it would be. there are all sorts of perks nobody talks about. less laundry and dirty dishes. (i know this sounds selfish but it’s the truth). more time to devote to personal interests (although a lot less money to work with!). more fun times of reunion when everyone gathers. and a rerekindling of the romance that got it all started. not that it’s all run around the house naked swinging from the chandeliers fun, but an empty nest is truly not empty when there is so much love still left. peace to you.
Oh how I hear you as you prepare yourself. My twin girls will be off to college in the fall, and I am turning 50 next month. I am not at all ready for either event! People complain about teenagers, but I have never been able to relate. My girls are such a joy to be around, I cannot imagine not hearing the singing from the shower or the hugs in the morning. But I know it’s coming. This past summer they were away on a service trip for a month, and I must confess my husband and I loved the freedom. But I knew it would be over in 4 weeks and they would be back ;-). But with their spirits, I know that when they go off to college, that will be it, save for the short term stays that may come after 4 years. It’s why I started a business last year, in part, because I knew I would need something for me and something I love to focus on. I hear you, from the bottom of my heart. I will look forward to hearing your progress, perhaps it will help me!!
Oh Tina, my son is now 37 and married but I still remember the day we took him to start his new life in college. I sobbed in the shower, pulled myself together, and off we went. I simply could not imagine a home without children in it. He was (and is) such a great kid. He managed to come home every three weeks or so (with a ton of laundry) and for the entire first semester, I cried every time he left. Then, I started to settle into our new life and now… I can’t imagine it any other way. My husband and I go out to dinner several times a week, and the laundry is nothing like it once was with him changing for whatever sport he was having practice in, etc. It’s truly amazes me but I never believed life could be this good. Just you wait and see!
You’ll adjust believe it or not and actually grow to love it! I’m mom to 3 grandmother to 4, married to the an awesome man and mommy to 1 little female shihtzu. I love the freedom, lack of structure…love to see them come, they all live in different states, and am ready for when they leave. I raised them to be independent, I wasn’t, and I’m sure you have too so they are successful and living their own lives. I would have loved for time to freeze when they were all home but that’s not the way things are…please look forward with joyful anticipation..you’ll be pleasantly surprised and happy to be where you are now, promise. Hugs, susan vicary
Tina, I love coming by here to see what lovely posts you have up. Today, I feel like you are describing my life. This year has been THE BIG ONE for me in the area of change. My mother became ill with cancer and passed away, my oldest moved out on his own (college), my hubby changed jobs, we sold our house (where we had raised our 3 kids), I left my job in the middle of the school year (I’d worked for 12 yrs), moved to Indy and our two youngest moved out to college! So, to recap that little adventure….. My nest is new & empty. I’m in a new place, the winter has been horrible (we’ve been iced and snowed in since moving AT CHRISTMAS!!!) and I have left my life behind. I find that my confidence has been challenged by all that has happened. All wonderful things but CHANGE none the least!
I think…..we’ll both be okay! It just takes time. Praying you are blessed by all that you’ve worked so hard to accomplish as a mom! THIS is what we’ve been doing….preparing them to go and be awesome, when we’re not around!!
Tina, I was recently thinking about this very thing as my oldest is set to graduate from college in May. I find myself incredibly sad and emotional that it all went by so very fast. Secretly I hope he lives at home for a year, but if he sets off on his own that just means we did our jobs well. Take comfort in that you are good company with your feelings over the next phase of life for everyone. ~R
Oh, such a beautiful post….the pictures, the words…it all made me teary! I can relate, as my oldest is a senior this year. Each day this year I have felt sad. I have been a SAHM like you to 3 sons for the past 18 yrs, and they have been my life, too! I love doing things for them, having their friends over, etc, as well. It just seems like a blink ago, and we were playing Playdoh, watching Thomas the Tank Engine, etc. So I thank you for this post, and I was comforted reading your lovely readers’ comments! It helps to know we’re not alone, and that seeing our kids reach this stage of independence is what we were working towards all these years. Who knew? lol Blessings to you, as you walk this bittersweet journey!
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Good morning from snowy NY!!!! I am officially over the snow, and we are due to get ANOTHER snow storm tonight and yet one more on Sunday. I cannot stand it anymore! Moving onto more pleasant subjects……. is our monthly By Invitation Only post and this months theme really made me pause and think. The theme is challenge and we are to talk about a challenge, big or small that we are facing.
I have a few this year, all I am confident I will conquer but they are challenges nonetheless. I could have talked about the challenge of needing to lose 20 pounds! But then devoting an entire post to it makes it official and it also means I need to do something about that right this minute and I have the Superbowl and all the yummy foods that go with it to contend with and there is NO WAY I am missing out on that:) . I need to “get in the zone” to do that, the good news is I am nearly there. And when I get in the zone, there is no stopping me!
No the challenge I instead am going to talk about for all the world to see and hear is the challenge that is looming above me like a huge black menacing cloud…that of becoming a, I even hate to utter the word………… an empty nester. There. I said it. I cannot stand to think I will be one of them. Just saying it practically makes me break out in tears. This is coming from me, the one who cries over every Johnson and Johnson’s, Disney and even the newest iPhone commercial….show me a wobbling toddler with thunder thighs and you are guaranteed a storm of tears! Here’s the deal…….
I have spent the last 26 years of my life totally devoted to my three kids. Yes, I definitely did not deprive myself of doing things for me too, I dabbled in things for myself all the while, design, hobbies, tennis, social outings, everything I wanted to do but the truth is the epicenter of my universe (and still is) was always my kids. So this year, 2014 is going to be a really tough year, a very challenging year. At not even 50 I feel too young for this to be happening. So indeed there are positives and negatives about staring young! (take note people)
And so the cycle goes…we start out just the two of us
And soon, our family grows and there we are pushing the symbolic carriage while the other(s) trail close behind on a tricycle or bike with training wheels…..
Then we expand, growing into an even bigger family….
And how did that happen! Soon they are all grown up, towering over us……
And then we are down to two yet again……
But eventually, the silver lining is we will be a big family again, a slightly different variation as this time it will be an , extended family with daughter in laws, eventually God willing grandchildren and again we grow….
My oldest is about to close on an apt in NYC and move off on his own (once they go that’s it I am well aware). My middle son has plans to move to California by the summer and so far it looks like its full speed ahead. My ‘baby” is heading to college in Sept. And there’s certainly no stopping that! It almost seems cruel that within a 6 month span, all three will be flocking the nest! I can just about deal with one…but two and then three? It is almost too much.
I think one of the biggest challenges to me is that this means this “chapter” of my life is coming to an end and an entirely new one is about to open. I do not like change, don’t do well with it. Always end up adjusting and we all know sometimes change can be an awesome thing but that “in between” bridge really freaks me out.
A metaphor for me would be crossing from solid secure beautiful ground filled with an endless field of perky flowers (life with my kids at home) and then having to cross over a long rickety, perilous bridge looming high above roaring waters ready to suck me in (the transition period), until I get to the other side, another plot of stable secure land albeit a different landscape (the “new” empty nester life)!!
I will miss the “having to drive them”, the continuous requests for their favorite meal, the begging of preparing a very late night snack (normally mac and cheese), the cries for an ironed shirt when they are quickly getting ready for a dance, it’s always ” mom to the rescue”! I will miss being needed and wanted on a day to day basis and think I secretly coveted doing a job that only I could do:) Now they are all grown up and ready to assert themselves by taking on these small, seemingly insignificant tasks on their own and it is time for me to slowly step back and allow them to flourish and learn and become independent.
But I know they know I will always be here for them. Unconditionally. So…….I know I have company out there!! PLEASE tell me, for all you veteran empty nesters, how you have coped with that transition period that I inevitably know we must all face. Any secrets of the tomb? Please share….I can use all the help and advice I can get:)
I know as with the hands of time that there is no turning back. Getting to see my kids grow, spread their wings and head out into the world equipped with the blessing of an education and eager, idealistic eyes is a privilege that not all get to see. So for this gift I am thankful and will remember that those cherubic, silky smooth, pudgy little hands will always, no matter how far they go be a part of me, and me a part of them………….
Thanks for reading about my personal challenge. If you want to hear about more others challenges from the group of talented bloggers, please click here to the brainchild’s blog, Splenderosa where there are links to visit all the other participants.
Also just a few more days to send in your KITCHEN LOVE contest pictures!! Send in to
[email protected]. I have gotten in many beauties and cannot wait to share:)
It was a very difficult time indeed when i “pushed” my kids out of the nest, for their on good i thought…one went to California to school and the other to University in Shanghai. i was a wreck but slowly my brain, my heart and my body became accustomed to just be with my husband and my friends, until…..my older son moved back to our small cottage attached to the main house, my younger son came back to go to UCON instead and after a time realized it was much cheeper and more comfortable to live at home….and my mother in law moved in with 2 nurses…I will mention that my long time friend found shelter in the house as well…I truly miss my days as an empty nester!
Tina this was so beautiful it made me tear up. I am far away from being in your stage though I am 47 but it reminded me of that nothing is forever and to enjoy the “business” of our kids even when it feels stressful, its a good kind of busy.
I remember my mom going through a tough time when I left (I am the baby) but soon after she dusted herself off she went back to law school and at 53 started practicing law! So anything is possible and with all your talents I have no doubt you will do something big and significant!
Annie
Dear Tina,
Our children left the nest many years ago and, as much as it seems daunting, it’s fine….. different but fine. They say that the best parents are the parents who can let their children go and that is so true. They must find their own way, find their own roots and make their own mistakes but, we are always here to help when they need it.
I think that it’s the thought of it that is worse ….. once they are gone, you just get on with your own life and, it’s not as if we won’t see them anymore is it ?!!!! hehe One plus point about the whole thing is ….. the house stays a lot tidier and it’s so much cheaper !!!!!!! …. well, the food bill is a lot cheaper hahahahahahaha.
Try not to worry …. all will be well.
Have a great week Tina. XXXXX
Tina, as I am not a Mom, I can not offer any advice, although I love Jackie’s above. But I just wanted to thank you for your honest and very moving post! I wrote about being on that scary bridge of transition for mine and I hate it too. But we will get through to the other side, one way or another!
Sending bisous from Provence,
Heather
I’m not a Mom either but the pain of not being a Mom has never left me, so in part I can imagine how you feel. No doubt you will make the most of every additional moment and I hope some of those moments will be “just for you”. Have a great day. Mona
Think of it as a new chapter in your life. its time for you now and your husband, for new adventures and freedom. this is how you raised your children, to be independent and self sufficient. your more than a mother.
Getting “into the swing” of this … takes time … wasn’t easy for me … still isn’t, but, it’s getting better. franki
Hi Tina-
I am also a “young Mom, early soon-to-be empty nester”. I have 4 kids and at this time they are #1 out of college, living out of state -#2 senior year of college out of state- #3 Soph in college out of state and #4 8th gr…(thank goodness for the trailer.) At 48 I am not at all ready to have my chicks completely out of the nest. Trust me going from 4 kids to 1 at home, was and is, an adjustment. I loved being home with my kids and being the go-to in their lives. Now the older ones don’t need me and the youngest is so independent and “not needy”. So as all of my friends remind me- I did a great job! The hardest hours for me are after dinner- those hours are quiet and peaceful…and long. My husband is fine with the slowing down of the day because it is his time to relax, read, watch TV etc. My 2 pieces of advise to adjust to the change of “full-house” to “empty nest”– Save all of your quiet activities for the end of the day where you can sit with your husband and just be together. I used to be frustrated that he would watch a show that I wasn’t interested in yet he would still want me in the same room as him. So, now I read the paper or a book or work on a project at that time. He likes me keeping him company, and I don’t feel guilty because I’m not off in a room by myself. Also, I go to bed earlier than my husband and no longer feel bad about it! It’s ok to take time to do for yourself- not for others. That is the biggest adjustment for me. I love taking care of others and now I need to take care of myself. It’s a new chapter in the book of our lives- but the book is going to be worth reading!
Your words today make me aware of the time, how fast i flyes. I am raising three beautiful little boys in ages 3, 8 and 10. Sometimes it takes som much energy that I forget how blessed me and my husband are. Thank you for reminding me to enjoy this period of life!
I think I can understand what you are going through right now, but I am sure that when the transition period is over, there will be a new happy phase in life again. You creat so much beauty around you, and you are sharing it with us, for that I am greatful! Kind regards Maria, Sweden
As Mother’s we are more frightened about the changes than our children. But – they are still children and they are a bit scared too {they just don’t want to admit that}. Expect calls and emails about really simple things they need to be reassured about.
When the kids move out you will be busy as they continually consult you on things they depended on you for. There will be phone calls as they stand at the stove attempting to cook on their own. Thanks to the world of technology we can ‘chat’ at any moment.
You will discover yourself in a new way. Suddenly we stand back and see ourselves as women – not just Mother’s.
My children live very near by, but I often send them greeting cards in the mail. It is a little gift for me to sit and send them a love note, and I think my children enjoy getting a hug in the mailbox along with the bills.
Tina, at first its hard and sad, but as one season of your life ends another begins….embrace your time with your husband…it can be a special time..
We give our children roots first, then we give them wings. Grab hold of this new chapter in your life, because you never know what the future holds. Soon after I was an empty nester, my husband died suddenly, way too young to not enjoy the fruits of the efforts we put in to raising the children. Fortunately, my husband and I worked as much on our partnership as we did raising children, so the transition for us wasn’t really that difficult, as we were looking forward to more travel, building another home and many other activities. I loved being a parent although the teenage years can be challenging! Mine were only a year apart. When mine were gone I have to say that volunteering kept me busy and happy. My dogs and horses still needed me as well…..no rest for the weary! How exciting it will be for you when the family grows again! Job well done Tina. Getting our children to adulthood can be challenging, and it sounds like your boys are well prepared for their future.
I remember when my first son left home and I cried and cried. I had another son still at home (13 year age difference!) but “losing” the first to his own independence was tough. After 2 or 3 months, I calmed down and turned his bedroom into my own little sanctuary – stereo, sewing machine, etc. At the end of a year he decided to move back home, look for a job closer to home, etc….I cried and cried as I had to give up my newfound sanctuary 😉
So, you see – as sad as it is to watch them go, it’s really a great accomplishment and does show that you’ve done your job as a Mom. Our whole purpose is to raise them to be independent, caring, thoughtful and strong adults who can make it on their own. And having been through that twice now, I also know it’s a wonderful time to learn to love your hubby all over again and even more than that, to learn to love yourself all over again and begin the process of following your own “boomer” dreams so to speak.
OhTina, I have no words of wisdom, but I feel for you. I know it is going to be hard. But you have a lot in your life, and you’ll be ok, happy too! It will be a hard adjustment, but I know you’ll be fine. I’ll need similar advice in 5 years when my first goes. I’m thinking of you! xo
Stacy
I am right there with you! Just turned 48, another daughter is graduating form High school this year.. and the baby is going to high school. It is such a realization or fear that they dont really need me anymore as they once did, and the whole world that revolved around them for over 20 years is suddenly changing. I deep pit in my stomach at times when I think of how time flew and what is in store for the next chapter. THe only thing I can say is that it helps to know that you are not alone in how you feel! A very moving post, thank you!
Hi Tina,
I went though this about 4 years ago the same year I lost my best friend to cancer. I am also under 50. I am not going to lie it was very sad. Every time one of my kids moved I would try to convince my husband we should move to the same area……haha. But what seems to work best for me are big projects. I have opened my own business , remolded most my house and have done a lot of traveling. My husband and I have found these adventures have brought us closer together and feel like we are building a new life for ourselves without bugging our kiddos to much. I must say I really enjoy this time I wish you the best on your new adventure.
Rachel
My dear Tina
I am very much with you on this, I too find change very hard indeed….So I speak from my experience..and hope this becomes true now for you….I grew up in the most idyllic family and lived in a beautiful home, filled with happiness and love.I had happy, fun, very stylish parents who loved family, people, entertaining,working, travelling, horses, music,nightlife, fashion, gardens…you name it.. Their energy, love and zest for life was infectious, prodigious, unbelievable really..my father was disabled…
We ( three kids) had the most fine education and start in life,travelling and exploring, living away ….but for all our independance ,do you know? we never really wanted to leave that oh so beautiful home….. being with those amazing parents( only my Mum now )…….and we still dont..They are the very best company, and our home is the most special place on God’s good earth
Now we all live close by, one brother sometimes still lives there…
So I think and I hope……..when you have the most beautiful home and have been amazing parents and raised a lovely family as you have..they may go away for a little while but they will never really leave..
love to you xxx
I heard this expression once that really made me chuckle.. and it’s intended to lift your spirits, Tina. “God made teenagers so when they leave home you won’t miss them”. I do understand the entire empty nest issue. We never stop being mothers… ever.
Bonnie
Tina you can be very proud that your children are ready to start life as adults, for that means you have done a great job as a parent.
When my son and daughter left the nest, it meant new adventures and opportunities and I embraced the time and opportunity to pay it forward more than ever! I have the joy of my grandchildren, Isabella at 14 spends a lot of time with me and is a constant joy!
xoxo
Karena
The Arts by Karena
Hi Tina,
I was laughing with the 1st comment…. as you know, I have three small kids and trust me, I love them more than anything else, but some days I too feel I wish they’ve already grown up… We all have days we want to be quiet, alone and have enough time to go to the bathroom without having anyone calling your name!!! LOL
Look, it is obviously hard, but you will adjust. The most important is that you are here to see them grow and build their lives! This is my biggest dream… to see the paths my kids will decide to walk on… that’s the beauty of life, my friend!
I will be praying for your and your family!
Lots of Love!
Luciane at HomeBunch.com
It’s going to be fine Tina. I’m a hop, skip, and a jump ahead and you’ll surprise yourself at how you persevere through this new and exciting time. Yes, there will be moments but you will also enjoy YOUR time. We are actually looking at downsizing which sent me into a fit of anxiety about a year ago. Now I am excited about building (yes building and thank goodness for all the inspiration you’ve provided me over the past few years!) ….. a smaller place as we no longer need a half a dozen bedrooms and I’m ready to do a massive purge (we still have stuff from the kids childhood). My husband still comes home and says “what’s happening tonight”? as we are still adjusting to the lack of commitments in the evening. I have bought a day timer to start writing down what I am doing on my days off to keep me focused and on track. The tough time is when my husband travels and being alone. I’m learning to put myself out there and call on my friends when I need them.
Once a parent, always a parent. They still need you:) and always text with a question (that’s the only way I get a response from my son! 😉
Tina,
Can we help each other? My son will be a senior next year and then my first baby..the one who made me “mom” will be off to college. I am already worrying about it. I am so thankful that I have another 4+ years before my baby daughter goes to school. I do not handle change well at all even though my common sense tells me that it is not a bad thing most of the time. I am prayer buddies with a friend of mine at my daughter’s dance studio, and we would love to include you. I am a firm believer that we cannot get through this life without the good Lord, and us girls have to stick together and support each other. If you are interested, please let me know.
Hi Tina,
As an empty nester for some years now I can only say take this time to re-connect with your husband; try putting yourself first for a change & take one day at a time. I spent most of my 47 years of marriage putting everyone’s needs above my own (still do sometimes) but I constantly need to remind myself that I need to be there for me also.
My eldest has recently found it necessary to return home after a marriage breakdown so you see this cycle of life is constantly changing. They will always need you but it will just be different. Your family will grow & change just like it does for all of us, so take this time to watch them from the wings.
Barbara
Oh, Sweetie…they’re boys. They will never really leave Mama. And they all cry their first night away from home…girls can’t wait to escape, but not the boys.
Just wait for the grandchildren…huge fun!!!
Tina, this is the most special post you’ve ever written! I feel the “real” you. Just so beautiful.
Their leaving is part of life’s cycles, it’s normal and expected. Once they are actually gone physically from the home they touch you in different ways. They still reach out for both parents, sometimes calling many times in a day (girls mostly). But the joy of seeing them excel and seeing them happy fills your heart with even more love and pride. Once they marry, even if you don’t like the chosen girl, accept the wife as part of your family, lead her gently into your way of thinking, and you will see the beautiful blossoms forthcoming. Enjoy the time with your friends and your husband. And, just think…you can sleep late!!!!! Sending love and many thanks for being an integral part of our splendid group.
I am the oldest of 4, my husband is the oldest of 6, and we have one daughter. During her senior year of high school until she started college,I would privately, and she would say publicly, have empty nest attacks. It did pass and I enjoyed the ‘freedom’ with just my husband and myself, And as most of them will do, she is home again while in Grad School. They always make a detour home it seems as they journey along on their path through life (I did too). And now, it is back to fixing a meal for a vegan, a meal for a raw food only vegan wanna be, and a meat eater. I so love having her home again, especially so that I can ask her if she would like a piece of furniture or some dishes, etc. for her new apartment she will have one day soon? I know that for me, the real empty nest feeling will surface once again when she gets married – Ellen T
Hmmmm. I never had empty nest syndrome! Not at all. For me, it was another step in life, and one that came on gradually and easily. We have one daughter and had her late in life and the three of us are very, very close! But there was such joy in life for all of us, plenty to go around, that having her leave was a totally good thing for all three of us. Now, ten years later (she’s 29) it is still pure joy. She’s independent and because she is so happy, we are happy (and yet we have lots of time for ourselves and our own interests!)
Oh – you sweet thing…. okay so get ready to laugh at me.. I never had that problem.. but it has a little to do with our oldest daughter being one of ‘those’ kids… if it was sunny and clear outside – she would say it was raining.. ; if she was angry, she made sure everyone in the house was unhappy with her… and so on and on….. When the blessed day came that she was off to college, my parting words to her (amist all the sobbing parents around us).. was I love you, but you fly or you die..I explained what i said before I left telling her that from now on, all of her accomplishments were owned by her, but on the same token were the failures. I am thrilled to say that now she is a beautiful responsible and loving daughter, wife and mother. I am so proud of her… but boy did she make the empty next syndrom a non-event for us!!!! God Bless your sweet heart.
Oh Tina, I remember it like it was yesterday…heading with two cars to drop Kristy off at college, thankful that she had so many things to take that I would be able to drive home alone. After unloading, setting up a room, taking her to lunch and procrastinating as long as possible, we gave her a warm hug and headed to our cars. I could not speak…after driving home in tears for the 2 hour trip, I was ok. The next night, my husband and I set down for dinner at the table that had never had less than 4 (there was always an extra friend or boyfriend). We had idle chitchat, but the air was so heavy. I kept thinking that if he didn’t say anything, I would be fine, but ultimately my husband says “wow, it sure is quiet” and the flood gates opened. We headed for our first visit after she was there 3 weeks – it was a football weekend and our alma mater so we HAD to go – this was the turning point for me. When we saw her in her element, so happy, carefree and enjoying every second of her college life with her new friends we were fine. I too began enjoying my life with my husband and a freedom to come and go without the thoughts of empty houses, or I should be home…and as you say then life begins again as spouses join the mix and then the precious, precious grandchildren. I must say that as hard as it is to believe, you will love this stage, and enjoy hearing all of his new adventures and seeing him grow and become an independent young man…
I feel your pain. My youngest is a Senior and will also be gone next fall. It’s so hard. Ugh. I try not to think about it, but try to think about what adventures I want in my next chapter. Dogs help. Loyal and good company – and they all act like kids. I’m sure Teddy will be thrilled to be “the only child.”
I feel your pain but if there is anything I have learned after my peep flew the nest it is to listen, listen, listen and only offer your insight when you fell it is absolutely necessary or asked for. It will get better and you will fill your time with all you love.
This is when the girlfriends take over. Never underestimate the power of laughing with your girls friends!!!
Tina,
Your words about becoming an empty nester were so heartfelt and I could totally relate. I too devoted myself to my children, finding that making “good productive human beings” seemed so much more important than any job. We are so close that some people find it unusual.
With that said, I want to relate that our oldest has fallen on some difficulties and we are contemplating how to help or whether she should come home. The problem is that she now has 4 children of her own. My husband and I just returned from living in Key Largo for the winter, this is our “alone” time, our time to refresh and escape from all the problems and issues with family, kids, jobs etc. We came home just in time to deal with issues affecting two of our children….not to mention the weather! So my advice to you is this….enjoy the time with just your husband, just the two of you. Relish the time you can do quiet dinners, read a book, and not have to answer the calls and needs of the children. They will call with those requests before you know it, and you’ll be flying and travelling to help them.
I found the time alone with my husband to be “easy” and it was enjoyable to make new friends in a new environment.
Best Wishes for you,
Linda
Oh Tina! I have tears in my eyes! My oldest graduated highschool last year and it was so emotional. I would love to come back later today and read the comments that your readers leave to give you some insight on what to expect. Congratulations! It really seems like you’ve done a beautiful job at raising three healthy happy boys!
Oh sweet Tina… don’t you worry that pretty little head of yours… you will be fine. I admit it started off rocky with me but then I began to really like it. Then I started to feel guilty and now life is good. It is a rite of passage and you are such a wonderful woman with so much talent, interests, and a great sense of humor. You have all the qualities of being a fulfilled empty nester! Hope to meet you in person some day. We could start a sexy empty nester club!
From a mother of four sons who has faced insurmountable challenges…Give each one totally and completely to God knowing that He will always have them in His Hands and praising God for ALL things of which He will work for the betterment of those who love Him and who believe in His Son, Jesus Christ…Praise Him for both negatives and positives…Always counting your many blessings in Jesus’ Name…What satan means for evil, God means for good…
Wow. I am tearing as I read. I am only beginning my journey as a mom, but have felt my mothers pain when this happened to her. I always tell myself that I will do things differently than her, that I will have so much going on my life that when its my turn to be an empty nester that I wont suffer the same. But thats just crazy talk. I doubt there is much that can be done to relieve some of the pain of this hard transition. I think of all the natural life transitions…this one and death of coarse are probably the 2 hardest. But I do love your metaphor…part of thegrieving is because you aren’t on the same stable ground you were on for 25 years, but soon, like my own mom, you will reach a new stage of comfort and solid ground yet again. Good luck to you and congratulations for all the years of mommy hood!
Oh Tina, this was so beautifully done. I do feel your pain but am happy to say that there is some good news! There is a happy ending on the other side, I promise. I was devastated when my babies (my two twin girls) both left last year. After about a few weeks of my own pity party,I decided to get a life as they always tell me and signed up for photography classes and started taking an accounting class at night, I also started playing tennis again! i threw myself into a bunch of activates to keep myself busy and guess what? It worked Today I am happy, well rounded, more active than I have been in 20 years and my kids are actually really proud and happy for me. My husband sees the difference and its a win win. So it is a great time to celebrate “you” and this special time for you and your husband. You can travel, eat when and want and take last minute trips without having to consult anyone else:-) There ARE perks trust me. And the truth is your kids really never leave you and still need you, just in different ways.
Tina, don’t kid yourself, as much as you are not ready to let go, they never really do either! Great post, and looks like you are getting a lot of great advice!
Your words “miss being needed” sums up so very much….it’s one of the most complete joys of being a mother i think…at least it has been for me….here in Australia children do not move out at a young age anymore…at least compared with my own generation….(I moved out at 15, I would be horrified if that happened to my own children)…it’s now so expensive to set up home as a young 20 year old…but I too dread the day when they all leave home. But then, on the flip side…every cloud has a silver lining, and life is there to make of it what we will…it will free up your need for being needed to something else, which will no doubt reveal itself when you are least looking, or so I hope. And by the by, I don’t think children EVER stop needing their parents’ guidance and love and support, no matter how far away they live.
Having all of the children grown and on their own is different. It’s also rewarding at the same time to know that they learned from us along the way and now we get to see how much. Oh, don’t get me wrong they have taken some bumps and bruises along the way. There were times when our home seemed to have revolving doors with a couple of them moving back in for a couple of months or a couple of years. We’ve been tempted to let them have their bedroom and install Mom and Dad Caves.
Our oldest and youngest still live in town and that makes the empty nest a bit more bearable. Even now that they’ve all flown the coop I tell myself that I really need to get a life. I too have outside activities that I do just for me but still I find myself always wanting to be there and be involved in their lives. Especially now that we have grandkids. As Mom’s I think that is a natural tendency, and for me I know I will always be there for them.
On the other hand, I love having the house to myself sometimes. Back to just the two of us again takes some getting used to. The Mr has his hobbies and I have mine. There are no structured meals and I can wing it if I feel like. Thanks to modern technology staying in touch with the kids is easy. Although there’s nothing like a real live in person hug! This is the next chapter and I plan on it being an exceptional one. I know your’s will be also.
Tina- what you have taught your kids these last 26 years is forever a part of who they are. If you taught them to love and to care and to cherish then they will continue to do all those things even on their own. You have given them the wings to fly, you should feel very proud but at the same time comforted to know that no matter where they go and who they they know their “nest aka home’ is always the center of who they are and where it all began! Trust me, they will be back again and again.
Oh my sweet girl…I know that heartache. I was as you, focused on raising my boys to be outstanding young men. I know the tears that come with each child leaving the nest. I know the proud moments of their accomplishments throughout the years. I know the tears shed when your heart aches for them after they’ve gone, to see, to touch, to make hot chocolate for, to do laundry for, :). I know the joy of the visit and the waves good-bye as they go and you can finally get your ‘house back together!’ Then there is the joy of a wedding and a grandchild and your heart leaps when you see your children parent and the love of the little one is unmeasured.
You will do fine, you will have moments, but then there will be the new adventures you have when you don’t have to worry about the clock and everyone’s schedule!
Blessings to you friend!
I have tears in my eyes…it hasn’t happened yet, but I know that it will all be so totally different in the next 17months…
Thank you for your honesty and beautiful writing– they are clearly lucky to have you for their Mom
Lise-Lotte
partygreen.ca
Yes Tina, this is a challenging time. Kudos to you for speaking out loud about it. I am an empty nester also and until this past year I had 3 children in 3 different states. All I can tell you is that as hard as it is it is also nice to not know what to worry about! And grandchildren! Oh they are a blessing and so much fun I can hardly stand it. You will fill your days with so much that you will be busier than you were when the kids were at home. And you and your husband will get closer and date again. You will do fine, cry when you need to and have fun in this next stage. Blessings.
Tina,
Everyone of your followers made such great comments…and all true. From my personal experience with my two children, it was an exciting time for them but for me as much I also felt excited for them to go away to school my heart was breaking when we had to say our goodbyes….but between work and me shopping for things I knew they’d love, I looked forward to sending them their special care packages; it got me through…until we got to see them next. Now they are grown raising their families and they too will experience what all parents go through.I always believe that by experiencing sad, tearful times one appreciates those happy, sweet moments even more. 🙂
I so feel your pain as I experienced it two years ago. But I am here to tell you that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Once you adjust you actually begin to enjoy the fact that your time is yours and your husband’s. And they always come back!:)
Having just read all of the beautiful posts, you have been given such sage advice. We are now empty nesters, and have been blessed with a beautiful grand-daughter which helps with the transition. One of my favorite sayings,”when god closes a door, somewhere he opens a window” is so true. Think of this as a new window, with so much in store for you and your husband. There will be sadness of course, but with it comes much joy . All will be fine, you. You’ll see….
I’d like to echo what so many of your readers have said…. You’ve done a great job raising your kids and they are doing what they are supposed to be doing. And soon you’ll have time to do whatever makes your heart happy. Also, I really think that senior year, for my youngest, was actually harder than when she finally left. Senior year is all about the “Lasts”— for you as a mom and for your kids— the last teachers conference, the last high school dance, and the last concert or play or whatever their passion is…. So many endings. But something great happened at the last graduation party…. It became all about the next exciting thing. The first day of college, the first parents visit. The first return trip home. The focus changes and if you’re lucky, the kids are happy and you will be, too! Try to truly look forward. Good luck!
Oh my goodness, Tina, how did I miss this post! Your eloquent writing about the challenges of adjusting to an empty nest has tears streaming down my face. As you know, this is something I was VERY concerned about when my youngest went off to college. I am pleased to say that 18 months down the road, I am happier than ever with my life. My blog and new career as a travel consultant have given my life such a positive direction and my husband and I are really enjoying the time alone. The children call every day and still need things all the time…our roles as mothers never end…they just change. I am living proof that you can make it through to the other side of this challenge! and think of the freedom you will have to travel!! Many hugs to you, my dear friend…I promise it will be alright!! xoxo
Bless your heart, Tina! What a touching post. I don’t have advice, because I’m not a mom, but I will pray for all of you as your lives change.
So beautifully expressed. My great and wise German grandmother used to say it like this…..a home is like a field, some are fertile and filled with many beautiful flowers and grows easily, its beautiful so people love to be there, even when those flowers fade and their petals fly away, the roots still remain. And before long new flowers emerge and grow with the same vigor. The field is your home, the flowers are your kids and the new growth is your new family ( children spouses and grandchildren). Sounds like you have a very fertile filed that will always be filled with people you love Tina, blessings to you, it is a transition to be sure but one I am certain you will make and do so successfully.
Tina,
Dr. Seuss says it best with “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.” It is sad and ugly and lonely without those little faces waiting for
only you to fix everything, do crafts with, play with, drive everywhere. I have also spent the last 23 years at home raising my 2 children.
I have a 22 year old daughter now living and working in DC. She went to Georgetown–a great school, a reach school and because of it, she is still reaching!
And that is what we wanted to provide for both our children. Our son is a sophomore at Georgia Tech, and my “buddy”, the one who will take care of me when I get old.
The one not afraid to kiss me good-night at 19 or say he loves me over the phone (first) in front of all his fraternity brothers.
Every morning I open the blinds to their rooms, take a look around, and remember what it was like when they were still under our roof. It is crushing sometimes to
realize that it is never gong to be the same–where did those 18 yeas with each of them go?? But they were great years–full, fun, annoying, heart wrenching, silly,
wonderful years. And what makes it all worth it is when we can all remember them and still laugh together! Or, when my son calls me because he is in Atlanta
and the car battery died. Or, when my daughter calls for my recipe for eggplant parmesan to make for her friends and boyfriend. Or when she calls just to talk–
she calls her 53 year old mother just to talk because she actually wants to…
We will always be their mother, but now that they are young adults, at times, we can even be their friends. And I couldn’t pick better friends!!!
So, smile….
Cindy
Firstly, please send us some snow. Here in Australia we have had wave after wave of over 40 degree days, that is over 100 to you guys and I could do with a bit of cold about now. Often we come over to ski and get a bit of relief.
Secondly, about being an Empty nester, I have basically been one for a few years as one son has left for University about 5 years ago, and the other is in Boarding school. I absolutely Love this stage as I really appreciate seeing my sons and don’t get all cranky about mess or noise or getting them to get off the computers or go outside and play or clean up their rooms.
I think it is important to make family holidays together. We like to rent a holiday house for the whole family and take them to the beach or to the snow for a week or two. We also go and see them and take them out to dinner and have a lovely catch up. I also like to take them to the opera or a movie. We are lucky in that the youngest is only 1 hour away and the oldest only 3 hours away so we can catch up quite often. The best part is that I really enjoy just being with my husband. There is always the phone and Facebook to keep in touch.
Tina – thank you for this heartfelt post! You remind us to relish the drives, the laundry, the help with homework, the mudnight snacks and all the little moments we spend with our boys. Soon they’ll be off on their own as well and we’ll have to create different grown up memories with them. Hope you are warm and cozy on this snowy, rainy day!
xxoo
C + C
What a touching post! Having gone through this about 4 years ago now, these are my thoughts on this situation. Firstly, let yourself feel sad and cry if you feel the need. I sure did and found it very cleansing. I think it is very normal to be a little apprehensive coming into this new phase of your life. I kept telling myself that this was always the goal. That our children would some day feel independent and strong to go out there and live their life. Mind you I did have to repeat this often but it did help me. Today both kids live a fair distance from us, but we have a very close bond and see each other as often as we can. Also I found having a dog really helped with this transition. She is always ready for a cuddle and very generous with her kisses 🙂
Hope this helps
Jeannette
Tina, This is such a touching post. Your kids are soooo lucky to have had such an amazing mom as you. No matter how far they go from you, you will always have an impact on their lives. I can’t imagine how tough it is to let go. We weren’t lucky enough to have our own children, but it twists my heart a little every time I realize how quickly the little ones who play such a big role in our lives are growing up.
As hard as this challenge will be, I’m sure you will tackle it with all the energy and style that I see of you here on your blog. I can’t wait to see what you will do with this next chapter in your life.
On your other challenge, the weight loss, I haven’t talked about it, but I lost 25 or so pounds in the last year. The weight loss itself was due to stress, but I’ve kept it off for nearly a year now and feel great. It’s not easy, it takes work every day, but how I love being able to fit into just about anything! If you ever want to talk about the changes I’ve made in my life, I’d be glad to share. One easy tip – http://www.barre3.com. Barre3 changed my life. It’s a workout I love and do every day -sometimes twice! Even if you don’t have a studio near you, they have a fantastic video series you can subscribe too. The 10 minute videos are my favorite – I can always fit one in -typically in my kitchen, just before getting dinner on. I always feel great when I’m done.
Good luck with all the challenges ahead, Tina. I know you’ll weather the changes with grace.
XOXO
This brought tears to my eyes for you Tina, I can tell you are the kind of mom most kids dream of having. You are fun, loving, giving and so caring. That much is evident through your blog and though I have never met you, I consider you a friend. The best advice I can give is while you usher and encourage your kids onto their new life, do not forget to take good care of yourself! It is a good time to rethink priorities and start figuring out what excites you and what YOU want to do with your new found time! Best advice my own mom gave and it was then that I went back to school and got my masters and at 51` started a new career! It might be a new chapter but let it be a great one!
There is no doubt you are blessed with many talents so I think anything you try to do you will succeed in and find happiness in. Best of luck to you, Tina
Well this was a poignant post for me! I am in the exact same situation. I am the Mother of 3, the youngest being twins who are heading to college in the fall. Gulp. Of all of my “jobs” I have loved being a Mom. Probably one of the hardest jobs in the world but also one of the most rewarding. I have been trying very hard to prepare for the new normal. They still come home, (I have a junior in college) but it is different, the family dynamic changes. I wish you the best and please know, you are not alone!!
Hi Tina,
I too have three and I am an empty nester. I must share this with you. When the first one left. I cried as I pulled away from her freshman dorm at College of Charleston and it lasted a good half year. When my son moved into his dorm I suspected it would be easier and instead I cried for two days, I was so down and it totally surprised me. I really braced myself for my baby girl’s first day of college. I moved her in, and I shed a tear, but when I got in the car to drive away it was, woohoo! A new beginning for me! Instead of the beginning of the end of an era it was pure joy! I was totally surprised with my own reaction. Yes I am generally a happy person, extremely sentimental, I too cry watching certain commercials so I was absolutely baffled at my reaction. You’re creative and ambitious, you will be fine.
Good luck on your future adventures!
Love your blog, thanks for sharing you enthusiasm for your home.
OK, don’t laugh, as my kids are only 12 and 9, but I found myself fighting back tears as I watched the parents walking their adorable little (and they are so little!) kindergartens into our beloved elementary school yesterday morning. My 9 year old daughter is very tall and mature for her age and will be graduating from elementary school next year. I realized how fleeting these early years are. I see my middle-schooler 12 year old son becoming so much more independent — really, he only needs me for rides and meals these days — and I know that my daughter will be there herself in just two short years. She still likes to snuggle and read to me at night, and I so treasure that time knowing how fleeting it is. I honestly don’t know what I will do with myself when they are both out of the house. My daughter has already commented that it will be “really sad” when she is in 11th and 12th grade and her big brother is away at college, leaving just the 3 of us to stare at each other at the dinner table. 🙁
Hi Tina,
Happy Snow Day?!!! The upside is I’ve gotten to spend more time with my kids. Like the reader above, mine are 9 and 12 and I found myself earlier today thinking how quickly the time goes by and wondering how I can make the most of each and every day with them. So, although we are very close in age, we are at two different points on the kid spectrum. I find it really helpful to hear how it feels where you are, so that I can really savor the days I have now and the many ones ahead. One of the best quotes I came across recently is “The days are long, but the years are short”. So, on those days that don’t seem to end, I’ll be reminded of how it feels when my “baby” is about to leave for college and leave me an empty nester.
The good thing is that you have a very full life and you will have places to put your energies. I think that is so important…to keep yourself relevant, interested and involved.
Thinking of you today across our mutual frozen pond! 🙂
xoxoxoxo Elizabeth
thank you for being so open in this post, tina. it IS a challenge when we’re invested parents like you. i can’t claim to be an empty nest expert quite yet (only 7 months in) but i can speak with some confidence when i say adapting is easier than i imagined it would be. there are all sorts of perks nobody talks about. less laundry and dirty dishes. (i know this sounds selfish but it’s the truth). more time to devote to personal interests (although a lot less money to work with!). more fun times of reunion when everyone gathers. and a rerekindling of the romance that got it all started. not that it’s all run around the house naked swinging from the chandeliers fun, but an empty nest is truly not empty when there is so much love still left. peace to you.
michele
Oh how I hear you as you prepare yourself. My twin girls will be off to college in the fall, and I am turning 50 next month. I am not at all ready for either event! People complain about teenagers, but I have never been able to relate. My girls are such a joy to be around, I cannot imagine not hearing the singing from the shower or the hugs in the morning. But I know it’s coming. This past summer they were away on a service trip for a month, and I must confess my husband and I loved the freedom. But I knew it would be over in 4 weeks and they would be back ;-). But with their spirits, I know that when they go off to college, that will be it, save for the short term stays that may come after 4 years. It’s why I started a business last year, in part, because I knew I would need something for me and something I love to focus on. I hear you, from the bottom of my heart. I will look forward to hearing your progress, perhaps it will help me!!
Oh Tina, my son is now 37 and married but I still remember the day we took him to start his new life in college. I sobbed in the shower, pulled myself together, and off we went. I simply could not imagine a home without children in it. He was (and is) such a great kid. He managed to come home every three weeks or so (with a ton of laundry) and for the entire first semester, I cried every time he left. Then, I started to settle into our new life and now… I can’t imagine it any other way. My husband and I go out to dinner several times a week, and the laundry is nothing like it once was with him changing for whatever sport he was having practice in, etc. It’s truly amazes me but I never believed life could be this good. Just you wait and see!
You’ll adjust believe it or not and actually grow to love it! I’m mom to 3 grandmother to 4, married to the an awesome man and mommy to 1 little female shihtzu. I love the freedom, lack of structure…love to see them come, they all live in different states, and am ready for when they leave. I raised them to be independent, I wasn’t, and I’m sure you have too so they are successful and living their own lives. I would have loved for time to freeze when they were all home but that’s not the way things are…please look forward with joyful anticipation..you’ll be pleasantly surprised and happy to be where you are now, promise. Hugs, susan vicary
Tina,
I love coming by here to see what lovely posts you have up. Today, I feel like you are describing my life. This year has been THE BIG ONE for me in the area of change.
My mother became ill with cancer and passed away, my oldest moved out on his own (college), my hubby changed jobs, we sold our house (where we had raised our 3 kids), I left my job in the middle of the school year (I’d worked for 12 yrs), moved to Indy and our two youngest moved out to college!
So, to recap that little adventure…..
My nest is new & empty. I’m in a new place, the winter has been horrible (we’ve been iced and snowed in since moving AT CHRISTMAS!!!) and I have left my life behind. I find that my confidence has been challenged by all that has happened. All wonderful things but CHANGE none the least!
I think…..we’ll both be okay! It just takes time. Praying you are blessed by all that you’ve worked so hard to accomplish as a mom! THIS is what we’ve been doing….preparing them to go and be awesome, when we’re not around!!
Tina,
I was recently thinking about this very thing as my oldest is set to graduate from college in May. I find myself incredibly sad and emotional that it all went by so very fast. Secretly I hope he lives at home for a year, but if he sets off on his own that just means we did our jobs well. Take comfort in that you are good company with your feelings over the next phase of life for everyone.
~R
Oh, such a beautiful post….the pictures, the words…it all made me teary! I can relate, as my oldest is a senior this year. Each day this year I have felt sad. I have been a SAHM like you to 3 sons for the past 18 yrs, and they have been my life, too! I love doing things for them, having their friends over, etc, as well. It just seems like a blink ago, and we were playing Playdoh, watching Thomas the Tank Engine, etc. So I thank you for this post, and I was comforted reading your lovely readers’ comments! It helps to know we’re not alone, and that seeing our kids reach this stage of independence is what we were working towards all these years. Who knew? lol Blessings to you, as you walk this bittersweet journey!
I feel your pain and your pride. You’ve articulated this well… I haven’t quite managed to put these feelings into words yet.