Hi a few weeks ago I came up with a “Just because” post and it was great to get a conversation started between myself and my readers on a random thought. Sometimes it’s nice to be able to discuss things beyond decor, fashion,and I could see from the comments and reaction that you enjoyed it too. So here we go again….
Today I want to talk about being an official empty nester, I honestly don’t even like that word. But it is who I am now even though I feel way too young to be one. I might be 51 with no kids at home but in my heart I am still 30 with all three sons still under my roof:) It’s funny because so many I know who are in the same stage are practically dancing on the tables over their newly found “free status”. I never even once felt an iota of that.
I wonder why…..is it because I was not independent enough, too involved in their lives, was too reliant upon my kids, too loving for my own good? I don’t know but from the first day my oldest son left for college until my youngest son left two years ago, I have dreaded every moment as they each flocked the nest. Suffice to say this below is not me, lol-
This was never me but is a lot of people:)
And don’t even get me started on the reminders of when they were young. I think this might well be the most difficult part. Everywhere I go……passing a school especially my kids school where we once spent so much time, makes me well up.
And if there happens to be a sentimental song on the radio, I see the kids getting dismissed in their little khakis and ties and it’s a beautiful fall day…all bets are off. The other day I drove by and there was spirited football game, just hearing the whistles, cheers and seeing the lights immediately made me not only reminiscence but feel a pang of sadness.
For anyone who is a mom…….even if they are not an Olympian you can definitely relate to that overwhelming feeling of pride when you share in their accomplishments, this ad captures that emotion beautifully
Commercials…yep, those do me in too. Silly ones like Disneyland commercials, pampers, even the Glade air freshener commercial with that lady seeing the poor old man who is alone….geez I guess I am more of a mush than I thought:)
OK you tell me if you can watch this and not cry!!!! This does me in EVERY TIME and is one of my all time favorites…..
One of the things that recently hit me was on Halloween…..driving home from the office, I went through the most adorable neighborhood, probably the closest thing to Pleasantville that exists around here. I, for a minute forgot it was Halloween until I saw throngs of pint sized Cinderellas, fierce little policemen and oodles of all kinds of cartoon characters.
I saw some running as fast as their little legs would get them to the next house, and others being carted around in a giant red wagon. Immediately this hit me……and hit me hard.
I remember thinking how ironic it was that here I was driving to my big, beautiful home but an empty one and how I would trade that in a heartbeat to move into one of those smaller charming homes filled with laughter, chaos and candy wrappers. I would give it up if I could have my kids young again. Isn’t it funny how your perspective changes so dramatically?
The memories came flooding back. I drove home feeling unusually nostalgic and thankfully my own “little guy”, Teddy was there happy to greet me. I made myself a cocktail, I earned it and my husband, Teddy and I had our own little party. I went onto Instagram and was instantly taken with one picture after another, of adorable families all dressed up in a matching theme, too many kids to count decked out for the festivities and for that moment I allowed myself to wallow in my self pity and accept that this is part of that journey of letting go, as hard as it might be.
So if you haven’t surmised already….yes, this stage of my life has not been as easy for me as it is for others. While I think for most, by the time their kids are off and running, they are more than ready to begin a new life without them, I have yet to feel this way.
I think it might partly be because I am a young mother, I was 49 with all three grown and gone. Whereas some of my friends are almost 10 years older and perhaps in 10 years I would have been much more ready for at stage.
This brings me to say that I am particularly thankful for my blog and my business as it keeps me very very busy and I always say and always mean, that it truly is my happy place. I can’t imagine life without it at this point. I realize also without having planned it, that its been a sort of bridge between my previous life of kids being home to being an empty nester.
It has supported me and kept me going at times when my life was changing right before my very eyes, so having that one constant was immensely comforting. I am slowly adjusting and trying to embrace this new chapter as best as I can but even surprise myself with how much I miss having my family all under one roof, I guess some of us are able to “let go” easier than others.
And of course YOU are a huge part of that equation so a tremendous thank you for your support and following along with me. I consider myself very fortunate. OK your turn, would love to hear your take on this if it applies, has applied or will apply. Thanks for stopping in and mostly thank you for your friendship. Until next time…..
Oh, Tina, your lament brought tears to my eyes. I think you must have been the best mom and because of that, your boys will be back when they get married and have children and your house even if it’s a different one, will once again be filled with the patter of little feet. They know what a wonderful mom you were to them and will gladly and enthusiastically want their children to know you and to spend lots of time with you and your husband. You can take comfort in knowing that you and you both did a great job with well adjusted children ready to take on life. That’s quite an accomplishment in this day and age and one to take pride in. Sometimes I think I just may be missing my youth when it was all about looking forward and not looking back. It’s not that we’re old, it’s just that we’re not 30 anymore with all of life before us. I once heard that aging is a series of losses and I, for one, hate facing that it is true. Boo hoo…
Tina, your post really resonated with me! I also have three adult children and became a grandmother at age 50. The holidays are especially poignant reminders of the wonderful times shared with little ones. I look back on those days at home with my young children as some of the best ones of my life. My grandchildren live 4 hours away so I am not always able to share days like trick or treat with them so I have to enjoy the photos my daughter posts on Instagram or Facebook. This past September was the first time in 29 years I didn’t have a child heading off to school on the first day and it was a vivid reminder of getting older. I really enjoy your blog and appreciate you sharing your feelings!
They say the greatest gifts we give our children are roots and wings and I’m sure you’ve done both. We left our 22 yr. old son out West when we moved to the East Coast 14 years ago and it took me at least half a dozen years to be able to tell people about the son we ‘left behind’ without choking up. Loved your post and it’s good to share, knowing other people feel the same. Your next chapter will bring daughters-in-law and grandchildren, an equally joyous blessing.
I feel the same…..I did not rejoice when my daughter left the nest…..I still do not know how those years went by so quickly…..I just”turned around” and she was all grown up…fantastic career,married….all seems so strange. I am grateful for having her in my life….to think that I brought this beautiful life into the world…that in itself sustains me.
Such a moving tribute Tina. I too was a young Mom. I remember the first night we had dinner after taking my oldest son to college. I broke into tears and had to leave the table because of his empty chair. But, time moves on and now he’s given me two wonderful granddaughters. He still takes me to his alma mater’s football games and we spend the whole day together, laughing, talking, and remembering.
You have wonderful times ahead Tina!
Hi Tina- I hear you! My teenage daughter will be leaving for college in a few years and already I am dreading the moment when we leave her at college. Last night we feel asleep on the sofa watching a movie together. At the same time, I am looking forward to our adult relationship. My advice is to give thanks for the loving bond that you share with your children, knowing that the love you share will only continue to grow. I look forward to your decorating posts but sharing who you are and how you feel makes me appreciate you even more!
I feel the same way Tina, I so miss taking my son to school, sporting events, birthday parties and so on. You’re right this stage of life is a tough one, I just lost my mother and I miss her so much! I just have to keep reminding myself of the things I have to be thankful for and to stay busy, I also have dear friends and am so thankful for them! I’m at the point where I need to start a new career and reinvent myself, I have always been a at stay-at-home mom, worked part-time, and now no one wants to hire a 50 something female, but again I have to remind myself God will work this out too. We all need to pray for one another, because as they say getting older is not for sissies. Hope you have a great weekend! We’re finally getting some fall weather and cooler temps here in SC!
What a wonderful heartfelt post to wake up to read. I am not quite there yet, my oldest son left for college last year but still have two at home (10th grade and 8th) but I can relate to how you felt when you saw the little ones. Though I still have two at home, I really miss them being young and listening to me:-)
My sister just became an empty nester all at once (twin girls) and she had a hard time the first year but then went back to school, got her masters and started up her career again. Now she is so busy she doesn’t have a minute to think about it. She is always enjoying a different kind of relationship with her girls, a grown up version.
Sounds like you were an amazing mom, and no doubt your boys will want to and appreciate returning home with their own eventual families and that is when your home will feel like a full nest again!
I never did the happy dance when my kids left home, however I can say that I did slowly enjoy a sense of freedom I hadn’t known in a very long time. Having worked full-time outside the home since I was 17 yrs old I discovered that I had an opportunity to ‘rediscover’ myself. I spent time remembering the things I used to enjoy doing before I became somebody’s mom and someones spouse. I continued working but there was no longer the urgency to get home to make dinner, drive to lessons or get to practices. I traded those things for yoga classes, art lessons and gardening. I got back in touch with me at the deepest level. It has been wonderful. And you know what? You have done the same thing. First with your blog and now expanding the vision for your business. So,let me share with you what happens next.
Your children come back to celebrate all the traditions you instilled in them when they were young. Milestones, like birthdays feel even more significant. And you feel the tug at your heart all over again when they chose a spouse who becomes another son or daughter. You get to witness first hand the kind of parents they have become because of the parent you were to them. And, oh my goodness, there is a special warmth that floods your body the first time your grandchild runs into your arms.
No, my cyber friend, it will never be the same, but it will still be joy filled. You will establish a new normal. You will discover strengths and talents you never knew you possessed because you actually have time to focus on yourself. I am 12 years in and I honestly can say that while life continues to evolve, not always in a good way (aging parents, the loss of loved ones), I wouldn’t go back. Each year on my birthday I make a list of places I want to go & things I want to do ( a mini bucket list) and then I leave room for life to fill in the rest. Each year the list has gotten bolder as my vision expands. It has become the most exciting time. I have no doubt that yours will too. If fact, I think it has already begun.
My youngest daughter is 40 now and I still have those feelings of not wanting to let go . She will call on her way to work and on her way home every day . If her husband would have it I would move them back home with me (lol) Your boy’s are very lucky to have you as their mother .
I have two daughters and when they left for college I could not walk past their bedrooms without crying. It was extremely quiet after our youngest left but I found a part time job which helped to fill the void. Lucky for us they both live very close now. We have 3 adorable grandchildren and one due in February, You still have a lot of exciting times ahead. They will find their own paths and you will enjoy watching them soar!
Tina, I too am an empty nester and I too, take solace in my blog. I will tell you, assuming at least some of your boys are still in college, it gets easier after college when, if you are lucky they return and live nearby. That’s one good thing about living near NYC. The likelihood they will stay in the area is high. Our son (who went to college in NY), moved to St. Louis for his first job and for 2 years I had both kids in the midwest. That was the hardest time. But last year my son moved back east and my daughter graduated and having them both in their own apartments in or near NYC is the best thing ever!
Perhaps this stage would have been more difficult if they had just moved out from our home, but having had them so far away for a few years made it delightful to have them close by instead. It’s a joy to see them launching their own lives and even more of a joy when they come home for a visit. For us that’s quite often because they enjoy leaving the city for a weekend and so you may find, in time, you are so grateful for the large home, because it will often not be all that empty anymore.
Now there are significant others that are brought home with our kids. Some day if we are lucky, there will be spouses and grandchildren and then that wonderful stage of Halloween costumes will start all over again! The most important thing is that if you brought your kids up to value family, you will reap the benefits for the rest of your life! 🙂
First, I admit I too, get teary eyed with the commercials. At 62, I still work full time, and come home exhausted. I am grateful that at this age, I am not having to make dinner, help kids with homework, etc, like a co-worker who is one year younger than me, with two daughters still in school. My empty nest emotions seemed to have slipped away when I became a grandmother. I recognize that I “did my job” as a mother, when I see my eldest son as a wonderful husband and father. I am grateful that he lives nearby and we can be involved in our grandchildren’s lives. It all goes by way too fast…
I am happy for you that despite all the hard work you do with your blog and shop, you have found a new role, and fulfillment. One day, should you be blessed with grandchildren, you will have the chance to re-live many happy memories. Thanks for a heart warming post.
My 20 yr old will graduate from college in May and I’m so afraid he’ll be moving much farther away then. He likes big cities and our little Ky town is not his thing lol. I already miss him BIG and I see him weekly. My 10 yr old has a ways to go but he swears he’s going to NY for college (ack!). I can’t imagine having them both gone! Hugs!! I feel for you!!
Our parents are our treasures, which is why it is so very important to take time out of our busy schedules, at any age in our lives, to spend time with them, particularly in their elder years when they need us most. I miss my lovely, creative mother and gentle-hearted father each day, as they have both passed. I was blessed with wholesome loving parents. My mother gave me and my sister her desire for interior design; she made beauty with such a tight budget. She was a true inspiration. You have set the groundwork for your children to be independent, successful adults, yet they will be back, as their loving hearts know there is no place like home with mom and dad!
What a beautiful and loving post. I am also the mother of 3 sons and it was very sad for me when they left for college. Now all are married and living near and far from us. 2 of our sons have given us a total of 5 Grandkids and they bring us much joy. It is hard when they leave. They are like little birds. You feed and nurture them and then they leave the nest. But, isn’t that what parenthood is all about? When the boys were out and about we would always tell them to call us when they arrived safely home. They used to roll their eyes. I would tell them when you love someone you never stop worrying about their safety. Now, when we are out and about, they ask us to call them so they know we arrived home safely. Know that you and your husband raised wonderful sons and they will always have a place to call HOME.
I am at a different stage because my boys are 10 and almost 13 but I understand how you feel. I already feel sad when I see them growing before my eyes. I cry over commercials and songs and when I see little kids I feel sad. I was happy though when both of my boys still wanted to go trick or treating this year. Of course, they no longer wear the cute little costumes or want me to make their costumes but I was happy they were still excited about the night. Time really does go too fast! Great post!
Shelley
Thank you for this beautiful, heartfelt post. It articulated so well a feeling I too am having. Change inspires introspection and my thoughts continue to turn to what is my next step in life. Self-discovery can be wonderfully hard. I am a mother of six with our oldest in her freshman year of college, 2,000 miles away from home, and our youngest entered Kindergarten this fall. The bridge analogy brought clarity to my new stage in life requiring a connection forged over time, with tears & immense love. This was exactly what I needed to read this morning.
I totally agree with you. One of the hardest things we did was the day we left our daughter at college about 3 hours from home. She graduated from a class of 18 and was attending a college with thousands. I will never forget my husband saying after we left “she looks so small.” But she excelled and joined a Air Force and has lived all over the world. I’m very, very proud of her but I too still miss when she was young. I have a son still at home as he farms with us and that is ok. I was an older mom so I really don’t think age matters. Even though there were trying times as I worked full time too, I would do it all over tomorrow if I had to. I tell all young mothers, and they look at me like yes lad woman, enjoy them as they grow up so fast and the time will come when they will be gone. I’ve your blog all all that you do.
I became an empty nester at the age of 48 and I felt exactly how you described. It’s a process. And I had to learn to develop a new “norm”. Now, 10 years later, I am enjoying this new season with my three daughters married and their wonderful husband’s, 2 Grandbabies and one on the way. There are times I wish I could turn back the clock, but also I am enjoying my freedom and being a grandmother. Trust me, you have a lot to look forward to!
If I could have written your post today, I couldn’t have said it any better. I’ve never understood the people who say..”well lets have the kids and be done with it”….”I can’t wait for my kids to move out”…”I’ll be glad when they are grown”. What the heck! Having children isn’t a competition. You need to enjoy every moment because it DOES JUST FLY. I sometimes feel like I’ve become my Mom and my girls are me. And where did those babies go? Right now all my girls are here in ATL but that hasn’t always been the case. Especially when one got critically ill in another city and all our flights kept getting canceled. You’ve never seen anyone cry and beg for a seat like I did. I would have run the 450 miles if I had to because she will always be my baby when she needs me. That said she is well and she moved back and her sisters are here. I hope I’ve never been a controlling MOM. Just want to be a part of their lives. We are not just family, we are best friends and companions. No one can make me laugh like they do. They even like each other (finally)though they are all so different. But yes I fight melancholy everyday especially this time of year. I too was a young mom and stepmom to three others though not the best…they are too close to my age(not an excuse) since hubby is older. But in closing after this long monologue I’ll end with a funny. When the last of OUR girls graduated from high school, my husband thought he should have gotten an award for paying PTA dues for the longest time….42 years without a break! That’s what happens when you have kids aged between 24 and 51. Have you ever considered a counseling blog? Psychiatric help..5 CENTS!..LOL I enjoy your blog very much and is something I look forward to everyday. An as a fellow Southern girl(I think). Hang in there. We are tough with soft hearts. Especially when it comes to our family. GOD BLESS
I too feel as you do. My son just got married. One of my four kids and before the wedding he and his fiancé were living with us for about 5 months. They moved to a new place last weekend and I cried for hours. I miss the stuff they left everywhere, my grand doggy and the pleasure of their company. My kids all live close to us but it is never the same. Once your first leaves for college you realize life will never be the same again
Thank you for your beautiful post. Reading it, stirred up all those emotions I felt when each of my three children left for college. I truly carried on like there was a death in the family! I had to talk my self through this and realize these are “good” changes….this is what we want for our children.
I remember when my oldest was going to go study for a semester abroad, my husband and I had never even been to Europe ourselves yet. I was only 42. I was so scared he would “outgrow” us. He would become too wordly for us. My mother told me to be proud that I raised such a strong independent young man. Through my tears I actually said “I didn’t mean to!”. LOL. How pathetic is that?
The good news, today he lives blocks away from us with three of my beautiful grandchildren.
So life truly does come full circle.
And driving by playgrounds, mothers with their babies all in tow, giggling kids at our local stores all these things do still bring pangs of emotions. But I guess the part we should be so grateful for is that we have all those wonderful memories to hold on to.
God Bless. And thank you for all your beautiful posts.
Dee
Tina, Your sadness speaks loud and clear over the loss that was. There are those of us who wish we could turn the clock back, for many reasons. There are those of us who had to work and were not able to spend that time ,most precious with children coming home from school , myself working weekend and holidays. There is a sadness as well for those who now go to day care and for those who are sent away at an early age to private schools. I often wonder what they will say when they grow up about their childhood ? And then just when your babies leave, if one lives near their parents, care taking changes and takes on a new meaning. Sometimes there is no time to look back, just move forward with the best one can. And on a quiet night one asks ” how did X amount of years go by that fast ” ?
What a lovely post and lovely comments from the Enchanted Home community. Yes transitions can be difficult. When our last one went to college, my husband and I decided to make a concerted effort to do more together–play more golf, travel etc. We tend to focus on our kids and their activities, so when they are gone it can be a great time to rekindle and recommit to each other.
You have so much joy in store for you in the coming years! Before you know it, you may be in the “sandwich”, like me, caring for aging parent(s), and enjoying and caring for grandchildren too.
Last summer, the ‘perfect storm’ hit our house– both grown kids were transitioning to new houses, so for three months we had 8 people ages 2 to 95 and 5 dogs!
Tina, give yourself the grace to embrace this bitter-sweet time. Your boys are stretching their wings and making a place for themselves in this world–just exactly what you have wanted for them from the time they were born. Tears are a good thing!
Let’s all have a big group cyber-hug!!!
I was the mom who never rejoiced that school was starting because I loved my kids being home. It is hard when your kids leave and start their own stories. But I just want to give you this encouragement, when your kids get married and bless you with grandkids, grandkids are the best to come! They will bring your family so much joy. Gods blessings from heaven. You will have an advantage over other grandparents because you will be able to do things with your grandkids other older grandparents wish they could. Hang in there and enjoy this time. You’ve done a good job if your children are self supporting and happy in their. You really wouldn’t want it any other way. I too feel like we only get to keep our children too few years!
I am a mother of three grown children. I am fortunate enough to see them every other day with grandchildren in tow. But, I still miss the days of raising them. We have so many beautiful memories,of which I am so grateful.
I remember my Dad saying years and years ago: “your Mom and I were happiest when all ten of us were asleep under the same roof” I now now what he meant..
Our situations are very similar. I will be 47 in a few weeks. My youngest son is 17 and a Junior in high school. My 2 older sons are already in college. I have had so many of the same thoughts that you mentioned in this post. My boys were my biggest effort and labor of love, and it is very difficult to let that go. There are a few thoughts I try to focus on whenever my hearts starts aching too badly. First, I am grateful that my kids have not faced any tragedy that would have kept them from this station in life…so grateful. Second, besides being happy with my career, I am also fortunate to be able to finally travel and explore activities and hobbies that I set aside while being a mom. Finally, if it has to happen that they grow up and leave, and, it does, then at least I know that I was a plugged in mom who was there at almost every game, class party, and field trip. I was there to try to find ways to connect and communicate with my boys. I know that my heart was always about helping grow them into good men. Those are the thoughts I cling to whenever I start thinking about the empty nest phase of life that is on my horizon. Thank you for sharing this touching post. I’m right behind you.
As an 80 year old mother, I am still that 30 year old woman inside my heart with all the same feelings everyone has felt about motherhood. Why didn’t I have more children……..I can answer that one….lol….yet the nostalgia is there. I pass a mirror, oh yeah! and there is still that 30 year old woman in my heart with a 50, 60 and 70 year old body. Still looking pretty good…….
Did your Mom ever tell you not to put all your eggs in one basket? Mine did and my financial advisor backed her up.
Your investment in friends, part time work, volunteering, giving back to your community, trips, using your talents, gardening, reading and filling your spiritual needs are all invaluable assets.
And should your fortune cookie bless you with grandchildren, you have come full circle, once again.
Tina, I so enjoyed reading your post this morning and felt a catch in my throat and a tear welling up as I shared many of your same feelings. It is a gift to have raised your children well…and the fact that they can go off and be on their own is a tribute to our roles as parents. How awful it would be if they were in a situation where they couldn’t thrive outside of the “nest.” You have set a wonderful example for others, especially younger mothers, and I would reiterate the importance of making a life for yourself outside of your children. Look at the excitement, energy and fun you are having with your blog and business! Our goals as good mothers must be to not only raise our children well, but to make sure we raise ourselves well to have a meaningful life when they leave home.
I am a hop, skip, and a jump ahead of you Tina .. with a daughter that’s getting married in July and a son that’s moved to NY. It’s crazy isn’t it? THIS is what we wanted for our children, right? We spend 20 years raising them to be able to do what they are doing and we need to celebrate a job well done! You’ve immersed yourself in your business and blog and that’s exactly what you should be doing:) I’ve continued to work part time and have my blog as well and I’m glad I am busy and productive. It’s so important to continue to move forward in life .. we have the last half of our life to look forward to and we need to enjoy every minute!
Tina, It has been 14 years since my youngest went to college at 18. I cried all the way home after we dropped him off. It was an 18 hour drive home. I too was a young mother and was 47 when I my nest became empty. It becomes easier, but I will always miss the happy time when my kids were at home. I loved being a mother of young ones. I know that our job as parents is too teach our children to fly, but it is painful to let go. I too must be sentimental I cry at their baby pictures and commercials that feature young ones. Know you are not alone; many of us feel just as you do. Friends are great but nothing can replace our children. It is like closing a door on one of lives great stages in life. Take care!
My oldest is 26 and on her own. The 23 year old is getting married and my youngest is in his senior year of high school. I’ve cried many times already about my empty nest that’s coming quickly. And yet…it has to be this way. They have to leave. I think like you Tina. I’m 52 and was a younger mom and fully enjoyed that time of life and yet…I think we can embrace this stage of life. I’m not sure how. I see you filling the space with work and I’m editing my first book, so it’s a time of renewal in a way.
Somehow we have to welcome this new normal. I don’t have the answers. But we empty nesters can help the moms who are new to parenting. My friend volunteers to hold preemies in the hospital. Another volunteers at the high school. And I want to go back and help the little ones learn to read.
I hope we look for the good in this stage. I wish I could hug you and tell you it’s a great stage but I can’t. I think we’ll always mourn this loss. But grandchildren are coming to you…someday. And you will be a wonderful grandma!
This was your best blog EVER. This life journey has to be embraced at every stage, we just celebrated my husbands 80th birthday with our 3 boys , 3 wonderful daughter-in-laws, and 6 grandchildren, knowing we were the start of their life journey and seeing how well they have raised their children only brings joy to our lives. My husband was a West Point grad and I always remember the last line of their alma mater “and when our work is done our course on earth is run, may it be said,” Well Done. Embrace every single minute of your journey. P.S. Alma Mater means nourishing mother.
OMG You tear jerker you!!! I am sitting here with tears welling up in my eyes. I too have an empty nest after raising 3 boys who were under my roof for 31 years. I too never understood the parents who were all too ready to boot their kids out of the nest. I will admit when the 3rd one left it was much easier than when my 1st went off to college. Oh, the pain of it all. Just yesterday I looked at the clock and saw it was the time I usually left the house to pick my kids up from school. I used to have to plan my days around getting everything done that I needed to do before pickup time. Now I have all the time in the world to myself and my husband. It’s strange. I too am grateful for my blog which is a fulltime job. I am perplexed how moms with kids at home manage to be bloggers as well. Cheers to all us moms and the kids who make us better people.
You will always be there mother, and in one way or another, they will always need you. I promise you. My sons are 32 and 30. I just returned from spending a week helping plan the eldest’s wedding and he needed me. My youngest son bought his first house three hours away, and I’ve been helping him with monetary advice, decorating, etc. and he needed me. My husband’s father died and his mother moved to our city to be near us because she needed him. I promise you Tina, your children will always be your children and will always be in your life because you were such a wonderful mother to them and they will always, in one way or another, need you. They will always love you.
What a sweet post, Tina. I can certainly relate. Change is difficult for me. (Heck, I get upset if I have to park in a different spot at the mall!) I have just one child, and I miss him terribly, even though he lives just a few hours away. I also lost my dad six years ago, and I still miss him every day. Life goes on, as they say, but it’s not easy, especially for those of us who are sensitive and sentimental. A good friend of mine once told me that life is like a book with many chapters, each one filled with new experiences, people and places. I think it’s important to remember what has gone before but also to embrace what is ahead. Peace and love to you.
Dear Tina,
As you can see, a lot of us have been grappling with the same thing. Though I am a little older than you, with my oldest son in grad school and my youngest son in college, being older did not diminish the feelings of sorrow after they both left. I relished each and every phase of their lives: diapers, learning to walk and talk, then later running, writing, playing sports and musical instruments and then deciding where to go to college and what they wanted to do with their lives. It’s been a wonderful journey, but it’s not over yet. I always told myself that the best phase of the boys’ lives was the one I was in at that particular moment. I still believe that. Now I’m getting to know them as adults and we’ve had some really deep and amazing conversations. I don’t know what the future holds for any of us; just give yourself time to figure out what your new “normal” is and take care!
I totally agree with you on this, I am the mother who cries at the end of the summer holidays when the children go back to school, laughed at by so many, who cannot wait for the holidays to be over. I love every break and every weekend. Only one of our five is in college, the other four are still in regular school, but I know in just 8 years time all five of them will be gone and that will be just awful. As you can imagine with so many children our house is always full, always noisy, always just a little chaotic but it’s such a fun house.
Fantastic post! I am a bit behind you, 42 with 2 still at home. However I already feel them growing up as pre teens, they are no longer those little cubs that I always referred to (who always wanted to be by my side) now at 12 and 13 they are much more interested in being with their friends and at the movies,etc…so I think this is God’s way of preparing us for what is to come. Slowly i am giving them more independence, and the ebb and flow of their growing up with my willingness to let go is a journey we are on together.
My mom used to say “when you have kids who as young adults are ready to leave your nest, you know you did all you had to do. You have given them the wings to fly…now let them and let them soar. And despite how far they may roam, they will never forget where home is”
I do very much believe that. I am sure your boys will as they find their place in the world always enjoy going home to you, your husband and Teddy. Sounds like you created a wonderful and loving home. Kudos to you Tina.
Dear Tina, my heart goes out to you, as I’ve been in your shoes. The one thing I would say to you is that your response to this is unique to you and shouldn’t be compared to anyone else. I’ve lost a beloved husband, my parents, beloved pets, and experienced loss in its many forms, as we all do; and I’ve learned they all require a trip through the grief process. The sadness you’re feeling means you have loved well and none of us would give that up. Don’t be afraid of your sadness…just go with the flow and time will take care of the rest. Blessings.
Hi Tina, I feel your pain. I was 46 when our daughter left for college and moved out. That was ten years ago. She lives in the same city we do and we talk almost every day. We have always been dog people and had one or two always around, Now we have five. Four black labs and a fifteen year old Jack Russell. It fills the house with fun and play and bodies.
I look forward to your blog always!!
Tina, I was not a young mother, but embraced motherhood with a passion. I have come to appreciate that women feel the emotion of motherhood very differently. I believe that you and I were incredibly blessed to experience motherhood as soul filling joy. A gift unlike any other. A passion that will be with us always.
My two children are grown- one married, one engaged but my best times are still those minutes and hours when they are home. I was, assuredly, the most eager mother to become a Grandmother. Nineteen months ago that dream became a reality. Tina, however great were my expectations, the reality far surpasses those. I hope that when that day arrives for you, that you, too, will be filled with such overwhelming love that you will no longer want to turn back the clock. The soft sweet touch/smell of a new little person that is “yours” will fill your heart and soul too fully for any sadness. mm
I think I could have written every single word you wrote the exact same way. Down to the big house that I would give up to have a full small house again. You know I have written you and thanked you for your blog during this awful phase in my life. My creative outlet has been my refuge. So, know you are not alone! So happy that your blog and career fulfill you! Keep up the great work, you are a wonderful, inspiring woman. Thank you.
I dreaded the empty nest when my kids were babies. There was always a haunting awareness in the back of my mind that this precious stage wouldn’t last forever. However it did give me a greater joy and appreciation for my privileged job of being a mother. As each of our four children left I grieved. I then learned to turn my sorrow into gratitude to God for what had been. I love spending time with my adult children and my grandchildren. But then I read this post and the tears return-it’s not easy being a mother.
Tina,
My heart goes out to you. The angst you feel is so palpable. Transitions are hard for me as well. From the end of summers as kids to staring college to weddings, I always have a period of transition.
It gets easier, Tina, as you do exactly what you are doing. Finding meaning in other areas expands our horizons and stretches us. And when our children come home, we delight in each opportunity to embrace them and serve them and feed them their favorites! Then ….. slowly…we begin to get used to the new rhythm of our lives and we can bless them by our honoring their adulthood.
Another way to look at it…be proud you raised them well…they aren’t home laying on your couch….they are making their own way…like you dreamed for them when they were small! It makes the times you get them back that much sweeter!
Happy Saturday, Tina! What a lovely, sentimental post…and on a topic that is near and dear to my heart. As you and I have often discussed, I have similar feelings. However, I am also aware that my empty nest has given me an opportunity to grow, that I didn’t seize when I was busy raising my three children. Halloween is rough for me too – I was out of town the past two years, but this year it really pulled at my heart strings (and made me feel OLD) to see all the young moms and little trick or treaters. Sending you big hugs and cheers to a fabulous weekend! xoxo
I feel exactly the same way. And Halloween is always a little bittersweet. My younger son is a sophomore in high school and I still have a couple more years left but when my older son left for college 2 years ago I had a very difficult time adjusting. I still do some days. Struggling with reinventing myself from mom, chauffeur, football and baseball mom, cheerleader, cook, class mom, etc. Wonderful friendships that were made. And I know when my younger son leaves home and plays his last baseball game it won’t be easy. So many happy memories. I am, however, excited to see how my boys develop into young men and what the future holds for them. I cherish each and every memory we have made.
It is always difficult when our children grow up. Mine are both adults with great professions and families of their own. I always feel very proud of them but also love all the memories of them as children. Now we have grandchildren and that really makes everything wonderful. Grandchildren are your biggest reward!
I had just been thinking about your Halloween Post and
How you hate the term empty nesters too! And I wanted to
Hear more on this subject! THANK YOU!
I miss my 2 sons terribly as well, they are a sophomore and
A junior in college. We live in south GA and the oldest is at
Michigan and the younger one 2 hours away.
My neighbor said tonight that I would always miss them.
SIGH. I enjoyed reading all the previous posts…I too wish
They could just be small again if only for a day.
At least when I text them and say I miss you they will respond I miss you too…
I enjoy your blog/thank you so much for the beautiful photos!
I love interior design as well and it’s a small happy part of my
Day when I get to open your emails!
I was an older mom (40 When my first was born and 41 with my second), but I had that empty nest feeling when my girls left for college. I think it doesn’t matter what age you are. And I had a fulfilling job as an elementary school teacher and a busy life, but still felt it! Even now, 15 years later, I miss them every time I go into their rooms. If it were possible, I would let them come back and live with us! That said, Tina, just wait until the grandchildren come along. You can actually relive some of the most wonderful times, such as Halloween, Christmas and Easter. When you hear grandmothers tell how great grandparenting is, believe them! You have something to look forward to.
I am with you! I have said and thought your words so many times. I live in Savannah and my girls are both in Atlanta with their families, so at least it is only a 4 hour drive. The worst is coming home to a dark, quiet home. As I write this I am sitting in my daughter’s kitchen, waiting for the other daughter to come pick us up foe a trip to DisneyWorld with our only little granddaughter-3 years old. So it is not all bad…as you know. Bless you.
For me, my greatest joy was raising my three great kids, so the loss I feel is in direct proportion to that. At 66, that feeling hasn’t changed at all. I can relate to what you said about giving it all up for those days gone by with sticky smudged windows, clothes strewn floors, and all the rest. My two grandchildren live far away, so there is little in the way of really sharing in their lives–face-time and the not- enough- trips to visit them will never come close to what hubby and I wish for. The happy part, is that all that love and caring helped forge the wonderful and kind adults they became. My son, who has the children, turned out to be the kind of dad every child hopes to have, and I couldn’t be more proud! My heart just swells with so much joy watching how he is with his little ones. Hopefully, at retirement for my younger hubby, we will get the opportunity to spend much more time with everyone–CAN’T WAIT!
Tina, I haven’t read the other comments and apologize if this is duplicative of others. I see myself where you are in five short years when my youngest heads to college (my eldest will be there in three years). I am already planning a return either to the paid workforce or a more serious volunteer commitment. I do think it helps if you can do something where you get to spend time with children. I have started volunteering twice a week tutoring a new refugee family with five children. Even though the children are not super young (they range in age from 11-19), they are so appreciative of the time I am spending with them and the things I have been able to help them with (For example, their apartment was furnished by our church with the standard four kitchen chairs, yet they needed seven in order to dine together as a family — super easy fix by a quick ask of my local friends with basements full of unused furniture.) Perhaps you could start doing some volunteer work with children? There are so many needy children out there who would love and really appreciate what you could give them. And your boys would probably appreciate any pressure being taken off of them to produce grandchildren sooner rather than later. 🙂
Oh, and I wanted to add that I should have read your post last night, when I was acting like a total grump because my 9th grade son had team dinners both weekend nights, and I was spending my Friday and Saturday nights dropping him off and picking him up from teammate’s homes. (And no carpool options because we live in the “outlier” in-town neighborhood from his teammates.) It is hard to take the long view when you feel like all you do is chauffeur kids around 24/7, but I need to remember that in just a few short years neither of my kids will need me to drive them anywhere. Sad!
My mantra has always been there is joy at every stage. My oldest just started a career and a new apartment many states away where he went to college, and I enjoyed helping him deck out his new pad. We talk weekly and he’s got a long time girlfriend there so I see our relationship will likely be long distance in the future. That’s ok. My youngest is a high school senior choosing an in state college so perhaps he will set roots here. Biggest challenge is 53 yr old husband has terminal cancer so my future as an empty nester will literally be a solo future. While it’s hard to imagine joy at that stage, I feel compelled to live my mantra today and remain positive. And not drop to a puddle on the floor. So not to bring the group here down, but remember it could be worse, let yourself feel sad but be so grateful if your loved ones have health. You can find joy at every stage.
Tina, I am right there with you……it’s sooooo hard to be an “empty nester” now and would do anything to have the earlier years back, along with all of the chaos, commotion, drama (girls) and rushing from one sporting event to the next! I think you hit the nail on the head when you said it is most likely your age! I am just one year younger than you and became an “empty nester” two years ago. While I am super busy now, I do miss the kids and how alive the home is when they are here! That being said, it’s so fun watching them all form their own lives, discover new interests and become well-grounded adults!
Hi Tina,
Loved this post, and it is a good thing you have a blog and a business to tend to! I have a 25 and 29 year old, and I have been lost for a good many years trying to figure out life without them home. I’m now 56, and still feeling very adrift. I was a stay at home mom, and never fostered my own hobbies or likes. Seems so sad to me now! My kids were both out of state, to make things even harder! One is now back, but is still 2 hours away, so we don’t see her as often as we’d like. Best to all the moms out there trying to figure this out!
Brigid
What a beautiful and heartfelt post. It is wonderful you have those deep and special feelings about your time with your sons and watching them grow up. No doubt they feel so lucky to have a mother who has been there for them, loving, and cheering on their every step to becoming fine young men. You can be proud of their ever evolving journey and hopefully you will enjoy the partners they select and watch your family grow. It is so special to be a part of seeing them in relationships, marry and start their own family. Grandchildren are such a wonderful gift that you will hopefully experience and can go to those games again, celebrate holidays together and tell them all about their father when they were young. Celebrate this transition and all that you have accomplished. I am certain your sons are very proud of their loving mother. The best is yet to come. You’ll see.
Donna
Tina, you are always so open to your readers and you reveal many of the same feelings some of us have. You express it beautifully and I for one, appreciate the way you remind us to explore our deeper side.
My children left the nest many years ago, and it is just as hard to see them off after a visit, as it was the day they got on the bus to kindergarten, and the drop off at college….
My last of three babies, a junior in high school, is still home and I am already fearful of the day when the house is empty.
Thanks for your brave words, so many friends are embracing this change and I am not at the party.
Tina, you’ve just written about me – how did you know what I was going throug 14 years ago??? But then my first grandchild arrived! Now I have five & my life is transformed. I get to experience all the joys, none of the “total” responsibility and I’m loving this new place in my life. We’ve moved to be close enough to participate in their lives and creat memories.
While your life is in a different stage now, enjoy what you’ve created and know so long as you’re creating you’re living life to the fullest, setting a high bar still your sons will realize as they get older. Thankful for life’s blessings –
This is such a wonderful post. I to am an empty nester after raising four children. My home is quiet and I would love to return to the days when all of my children were with me. I to find that Halloween is a so so holiday for me and I miss all the fun that I had, Your post made me shed a tear and so well written. Tina , I only wish I lived closer to get to know you better. Thank you for speaking to all of us empty nesters on thoughts that no one writes about. YOU made my day!!
WOW! I felt, feel the same now that my children are gone (and its been 6 years for me since the “baby” left) and I too cry and get emotional every time at these commercials, life goes by so fast and then…. but at the same time I live in a college town and every September when the freshmen come in, I can see and feel their excitement as they start their new life! (yes they left us, and are now out on their own, but oh what the world has in store for them…) and I smile for a good month (event thou the traffic has increased a hundredfold!) AND thank you so much for your blog…it’s a nice place.
Welled up just reading your post. My children are 7 years apart, so they were both kind of like only children. Our daughter was first to leave the nest in 2002 off to college. We were lucky that we got to see her almost every weekend as she played a sport and we went to every one of her games both at home and away, great times. Baby brother was then at home and he left for college across the state and I thought I was going to die. He finished his studies and then went to Germany for 6 months to complete his masters, again thought I was going to die. I have survived and it is still so pointed when I look a pictures when they were young. It is good to know and a comfort that both of our children have made their way, good jobs and both have bought homes,
LIVING THE DREAM
Thanks so much for this post and love your blog, such a nice place to come to :O)
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Hi a few weeks ago I came up with a “Just because” post and it was great to get a conversation started between myself and my readers on a random thought. Sometimes it’s nice to be able to discuss things beyond decor, fashion,and I could see from the comments and reaction that you enjoyed it too. So here we go again….
Today I want to talk about being an official empty nester, I honestly don’t even like that word. But it is who I am now even though I feel way too young to be one. I might be 51 with no kids at home but in my heart I am still 30 with all three sons still under my roof:) It’s funny because so many I know who are in the same stage are practically dancing on the tables over their newly found “free status”. I never even once felt an iota of that.
I wonder why…..is it because I was not independent enough, too involved in their lives, was too reliant upon my kids, too loving for my own good? I don’t know but from the first day my oldest son left for college until my youngest son left two years ago, I have dreaded every moment as they each flocked the nest. Suffice to say this below is not me, lol-
This was never me but is a lot of people:)
And don’t even get me started on the reminders of when they were young. I think this might well be the most difficult part. Everywhere I go……passing a school especially my kids school where we once spent so much time, makes me well up.
And if there happens to be a sentimental song on the radio, I see the kids getting dismissed in their little khakis and ties and it’s a beautiful fall day…all bets are off. The other day I drove by and there was spirited football game, just hearing the whistles, cheers and seeing the lights immediately made me not only reminiscence but feel a pang of sadness.
For anyone who is a mom…….even if they are not an Olympian you can definitely relate to that overwhelming feeling of pride when you share in their accomplishments, this ad captures that emotion beautifully
Commercials…yep, those do me in too. Silly ones like Disneyland commercials, pampers, even the Glade air freshener commercial with that lady seeing the poor old man who is alone….geez I guess I am more of a mush than I thought:)
OK you tell me if you can watch this and not cry!!!! This does me in EVERY TIME and is one of my all time favorites…..
One of the things that recently hit me was on Halloween…..driving home from the office, I went through the most adorable neighborhood, probably the closest thing to Pleasantville that exists around here. I, for a minute forgot it was Halloween until I saw throngs of pint sized Cinderellas, fierce little policemen and oodles of all kinds of cartoon characters.
I saw some running as fast as their little legs would get them to the next house, and others being carted around in a giant red wagon. Immediately this hit me……and hit me hard.
I remember thinking how ironic it was that here I was driving to my big, beautiful home but an empty one and how I would trade that in a heartbeat to move into one of those smaller charming homes filled with laughter, chaos and candy wrappers. I would give it up if I could have my kids young again. Isn’t it funny how your perspective changes so dramatically?
The memories came flooding back. I drove home feeling unusually nostalgic and thankfully my own “little guy”, Teddy was there happy to greet me. I made myself a cocktail, I earned it and my husband, Teddy and I had our own little party. I went onto Instagram and was instantly taken with one picture after another, of adorable families all dressed up in a matching theme, too many kids to count decked out for the festivities and for that moment I allowed myself to wallow in my self pity and accept that this is part of that journey of letting go, as hard as it might be.
So if you haven’t surmised already….yes, this stage of my life has not been as easy for me as it is for others. While I think for most, by the time their kids are off and running, they are more than ready to begin a new life without them, I have yet to feel this way.
I think it might partly be because I am a young mother, I was 49 with all three grown and gone. Whereas some of my friends are almost 10 years older and perhaps in 10 years I would have been much more ready for at stage.
This brings me to say that I am particularly thankful for my blog and my business as it keeps me very very busy and I always say and always mean, that it truly is my happy place. I can’t imagine life without it at this point. I realize also without having planned it, that its been a sort of bridge between my previous life of kids being home to being an empty nester.
It has supported me and kept me going at times when my life was changing right before my very eyes, so having that one constant was immensely comforting. I am slowly adjusting and trying to embrace this new chapter as best as I can but even surprise myself with how much I miss having my family all under one roof, I guess some of us are able to “let go” easier than others.
And of course YOU are a huge part of that equation so a tremendous thank you for your support and following along with me. I consider myself very fortunate. OK your turn, would love to hear your take on this if it applies, has applied or will apply. Thanks for stopping in and mostly thank you for your friendship. Until next time…..
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Oh, Tina, your lament brought tears to my eyes. I think you must have been the best mom and because of that, your boys will be back when they get married and have children and your house even if it’s a different one, will once again be filled with the patter of little feet. They know what a wonderful mom you were to them and will gladly and enthusiastically want their children to know you and to spend lots of time with you and your husband. You can take comfort in knowing that you and you both did a great job with well adjusted children ready to take on life. That’s quite an accomplishment in this day and age and one to take pride in. Sometimes I think I just may be missing my youth when it was all about looking forward and not looking back. It’s not that we’re old, it’s just that we’re not 30 anymore with all of life before us. I once heard that aging is a series of losses and I, for one, hate facing that it is true. Boo hoo…
Tina, your post really resonated with me! I also have three adult children and became a grandmother at age 50. The holidays are especially poignant reminders of the wonderful times shared with little ones. I look back on those days at home with my young children as some of the best ones of my life. My grandchildren live 4 hours away so I am not always able to share days like trick or treat with them so I have to enjoy the photos my daughter posts on Instagram or Facebook. This past September was the first time in 29 years I didn’t have a child heading off to school on the first day and it was a vivid reminder of getting older. I really enjoy your blog and appreciate you sharing your feelings!
They say the greatest gifts we give our children are roots and wings and I’m sure you’ve done both. We left our 22 yr. old son out West when we moved to the East Coast 14 years ago and it took me at least half a dozen years to be able to tell people about the son we ‘left behind’ without choking up. Loved your post and it’s good to share, knowing other people feel the same. Your next chapter will bring daughters-in-law and grandchildren, an equally joyous blessing.
I feel the same…..I did not rejoice when my daughter left the nest…..I still do not know how those years went by so quickly…..I just”turned around” and she was all grown up…fantastic career,married….all seems so strange. I am grateful for having her in my life….to think that I brought this beautiful life into the world…that in itself sustains me.
Such a moving tribute Tina. I too was a young Mom. I remember the first night we had dinner after taking my oldest son to college. I broke into tears and had to leave the table because of his empty chair. But, time moves on and now he’s given me two wonderful granddaughters. He still takes me to his alma mater’s football games and we spend the whole day together, laughing, talking, and remembering.
You have wonderful times ahead Tina!
Hi Tina- I hear you! My teenage daughter will be leaving for college in a few years and already I am dreading the moment when we leave her at college. Last night we feel asleep on the sofa watching a movie together. At the same time, I am looking forward to our adult relationship. My advice is to give thanks for the loving bond that you share with your children, knowing that the love you share will only continue to grow. I look forward to your decorating posts but sharing who you are and how you feel makes me appreciate you even more!
I feel the same way Tina, I so miss taking my son to school, sporting events, birthday parties and so on. You’re right this stage of life is a tough one, I just lost my mother and I miss her so much! I just have to keep reminding myself of the things I have to be thankful for and to stay busy, I also have dear friends and am so thankful for them! I’m at the point where I need to start a new career and reinvent myself, I have always been a at stay-at-home mom, worked part-time, and now no one wants to hire a 50 something female, but again I have to remind myself God will work this out too. We all need to pray for one another, because as they say getting older is not for sissies. Hope you have a great weekend! We’re finally getting some fall weather and cooler temps here in SC!
What a wonderful heartfelt post to wake up to read. I am not quite there yet, my oldest son left for college last year but still have two at home (10th grade and 8th) but I can relate to how you felt when you saw the little ones. Though I still have two at home, I really miss them being young and listening to me:-)
My sister just became an empty nester all at once (twin girls) and she had a hard time the first year but then went back to school, got her masters and started up her career again. Now she is so busy she doesn’t have a minute to think about it. She is always enjoying a different kind of relationship with her girls, a grown up version.
Sounds like you were an amazing mom, and no doubt your boys will want to and appreciate returning home with their own eventual families and that is when your home will feel like a full nest again!
Hi Tina,
I never did the happy dance when my kids left home, however I can say that I did slowly enjoy a sense of freedom I hadn’t known in a very long time. Having worked full-time outside the home since I was 17 yrs old I discovered that I had an opportunity to ‘rediscover’ myself. I spent time remembering the things I used to enjoy doing before I became somebody’s mom and someones spouse. I continued working but there was no longer the urgency to get home to make dinner, drive to lessons or get to practices. I traded those things for yoga classes, art lessons and gardening. I got back in touch with me at the deepest level. It has been wonderful. And you know what? You have done the same thing. First with your blog and now expanding the vision for your business. So,let me share with you what happens next.
Your children come back to celebrate all the traditions you instilled in them when they were young. Milestones, like birthdays feel even more significant. And you feel the tug at your heart all over again when they chose a spouse who becomes another son or daughter. You get to witness first hand the kind of parents they have become because of the parent you were to them. And, oh my goodness, there is a special warmth that floods your body the first time your grandchild runs into your arms.
No, my cyber friend, it will never be the same, but it will still be joy filled. You will establish a new normal. You will discover strengths and talents you never knew you possessed because you actually have time to focus on yourself. I am 12 years in and I honestly can say that while life continues to evolve, not always in a good way (aging parents, the loss of loved ones), I wouldn’t go back. Each year on my birthday I make a list of places I want to go & things I want to do ( a mini bucket list) and then I leave room for life to fill in the rest. Each year the list has gotten bolder as my vision expands. It has become the most exciting time. I have no doubt that yours will too. If fact, I think it has already begun.
My youngest daughter is 40 now and I still have those feelings of not wanting to let go . She will call on her way to work and on her way home every day . If her husband would have it I would move them back home with me (lol) Your boy’s are very lucky to have you as their mother .
I have two daughters and when they left for college I could not walk past their bedrooms without crying. It was extremely quiet after our youngest left but I found a part time job which helped to fill the void. Lucky for us they both live very close now. We have 3 adorable grandchildren and one due in February, You still have a lot of exciting times ahead. They will find their own paths and you will enjoy watching them soar!
Tina, I too am an empty nester and I too, take solace in my blog. I will tell you, assuming at least some of your boys are still in college, it gets easier after college when, if you are lucky they return and live nearby. That’s one good thing about living near NYC. The likelihood they will stay in the area is high. Our son (who went to college in NY), moved to St. Louis for his first job and for 2 years I had both kids in the midwest. That was the hardest time. But last year my son moved back east and my daughter graduated and having them both in their own apartments in or near NYC is the best thing ever!
Perhaps this stage would have been more difficult if they had just moved out from our home, but having had them so far away for a few years made it delightful to have them close by instead. It’s a joy to see them launching their own lives and even more of a joy when they come home for a visit. For us that’s quite often because they enjoy leaving the city for a weekend and so you may find, in time, you are so grateful for the large home, because it will often not be all that empty anymore.
Now there are significant others that are brought home with our kids. Some day if we are lucky, there will be spouses and grandchildren and then that wonderful stage of Halloween costumes will start all over again! The most important thing is that if you brought your kids up to value family, you will reap the benefits for the rest of your life! 🙂
First, I admit I too, get teary eyed with the commercials. At 62, I still work full time, and come home exhausted. I am grateful that at this age, I am not having to make dinner, help kids with homework, etc, like a co-worker who is one year younger than me, with two daughters still in school. My empty nest emotions seemed to have slipped away when I became a grandmother. I recognize that I “did my job” as a mother, when I see my eldest son as a wonderful husband and father. I am grateful that he lives nearby and we can be involved in our grandchildren’s lives. It all goes by way too fast…
I am happy for you that despite all the hard work you do with your blog and shop, you have found a new role, and fulfillment. One day, should you be blessed with grandchildren, you will have the chance to re-live many happy memories. Thanks for a heart warming post.
My 20 yr old will graduate from college in May and I’m so afraid he’ll be moving much farther away then. He likes big cities and our little Ky town is not his thing lol. I already miss him BIG and I see him weekly. My 10 yr old has a ways to go but he swears he’s going to NY for college (ack!). I can’t imagine having them both gone! Hugs!! I feel for you!!
Our parents are our treasures, which is why it is so very important to take time out of our busy schedules, at any age in our lives, to spend time with them, particularly in their elder years when they need us most. I miss my lovely, creative mother and gentle-hearted father each day, as they have both passed. I was blessed with wholesome loving parents. My mother gave me and my sister her desire for interior design; she made beauty with such a tight budget. She was a true inspiration. You have set the groundwork for your children to be independent, successful adults, yet they will be back, as their loving hearts know there is no place like home with mom and dad!
What a beautiful and loving post. I am also the mother of 3 sons and it was very sad for me when they left for college. Now all are married and living near and far from us. 2 of our sons have given us a total of 5 Grandkids and they bring us much joy. It is hard when they leave. They are like little birds. You feed and nurture them and then they leave the nest. But, isn’t that what parenthood is all about? When the boys were out and about we would always tell them to call us when they arrived safely home. They used to roll their eyes. I would tell them when you love someone you never stop worrying about their safety. Now, when we are out and about, they ask us to call them so they know we arrived home safely. Know that you and your husband raised wonderful sons and they will always have a place to call HOME.
I am at a different stage because my boys are 10 and almost 13 but I understand how you feel. I already feel sad when I see them growing before my eyes. I cry over commercials and songs and when I see little kids I feel sad. I was happy though when both of my boys still wanted to go trick or treating this year. Of course, they no longer wear the cute little costumes or want me to make their costumes but I was happy they were still excited about the night. Time really does go too fast! Great post!
Shelley
Thank you for this beautiful, heartfelt post. It articulated so well a feeling I too am having. Change inspires introspection and my thoughts continue to turn to what is my next step in life. Self-discovery can be wonderfully hard. I am a mother of six with our oldest in her freshman year of college, 2,000 miles away from home, and our youngest entered Kindergarten this fall. The bridge analogy brought clarity to my new stage in life requiring a connection forged over time, with tears & immense love. This was exactly what I needed to read this morning.
I totally agree with you. One of the hardest things we did was the day we left our daughter at college about 3 hours from home. She graduated from a class of 18 and was attending a college with thousands. I will never forget my husband saying after we left “she looks so small.” But she excelled and joined a Air Force and has lived all over the world. I’m very, very proud of her but I too still miss when she was young. I have a son still at home as he farms with us and that is ok. I was an older mom so I really don’t think age matters. Even though there were trying times as I worked full time too, I would do it all over tomorrow if I had to. I tell all young mothers, and they look at me like yes lad woman, enjoy them as they grow up so fast and the time will come when they will be gone. I’ve your blog all all that you do.
I became an empty nester at the age of 48 and I felt exactly how you described. It’s a process. And I had to learn to develop a new “norm”. Now, 10 years later, I am enjoying this new season with my three daughters married and their wonderful husband’s, 2 Grandbabies and one on the way. There are times I wish I could turn back the clock, but also I am enjoying my freedom and being a grandmother. Trust me, you have a lot to look forward to!
Blessings….
If I could have written your post today, I couldn’t have said it any better. I’ve never understood the people who say..”well lets have the kids and be done with it”….”I can’t wait for my kids to move out”…”I’ll be glad when they are grown”. What the heck! Having children isn’t a competition. You need to enjoy every moment because it DOES JUST FLY. I sometimes feel like I’ve become my Mom and my girls are me. And where did those babies go? Right now all my girls are here in ATL but that hasn’t always been the case. Especially when one got critically ill in another city and all our flights kept getting canceled. You’ve never seen anyone cry and beg for a seat like I did. I would have run the 450 miles if I had to because she will always be my baby when she needs me. That said she is well and she moved back and her sisters are here. I hope I’ve never been a controlling MOM. Just want to be a part of their lives. We are not just family, we are best friends and companions. No one can make me laugh like they do. They even like each other (finally)though they are all so different. But yes I fight melancholy everyday especially this time of year. I too was a young mom and stepmom to three others though not the best…they are too close to my age(not an excuse) since hubby is older. But in closing after this long monologue I’ll end with a funny. When the last of OUR girls graduated from high school, my husband thought he should have gotten an award for paying PTA dues for the longest time….42 years without a break! That’s what happens when you have kids aged between 24 and 51. Have you ever considered a counseling blog? Psychiatric help..5 CENTS!..LOL I enjoy your blog very much and is something I look forward to everyday. An as a fellow Southern girl(I think). Hang in there. We are tough with soft hearts. Especially when it comes to our family. GOD BLESS
I too feel as you do. My son just got married. One of my four kids and before the wedding he and his fiancé were living with us for about 5 months. They moved to a new place last weekend and I cried for hours. I miss the stuff they left everywhere, my grand doggy and the pleasure of their company. My kids all live close to us but it is never the same. Once your first leaves for college you realize life will never be the same again
Thank you for your beautiful post. Reading it, stirred up all those emotions I felt when each of my three children left for college. I truly carried on like there was a death in the family! I had to talk my self through this and realize these are “good” changes….this is what we want for our children.
I remember when my oldest was going to go study for a semester abroad, my husband and I had never even been to Europe ourselves yet. I was only 42. I was so scared he would “outgrow” us. He would become too wordly for us. My mother told me to be proud that I raised such a strong independent young man. Through my tears I actually said “I didn’t mean to!”. LOL. How pathetic is that?
The good news, today he lives blocks away from us with three of my beautiful grandchildren.
So life truly does come full circle.
And driving by playgrounds, mothers with their babies all in tow, giggling kids at our local stores all these things do still bring pangs of emotions. But I guess the part we should be so grateful for is that we have all those wonderful memories to hold on to.
God Bless. And thank you for all your beautiful posts.
Dee
Tina, Your sadness speaks loud and clear over the loss that was. There are those of us who wish we could turn the clock back, for many reasons. There are those of us who had to work and were not able to spend that time ,most precious with children coming home from school , myself working weekend and holidays. There is a sadness as well for those who now go to day care and for those who are sent away at an early age to private schools. I often wonder what they will say when they grow up about their childhood ? And then just when your babies leave, if one lives near their parents, care taking changes and takes on a new meaning. Sometimes there is no time to look back, just move forward with the best one can. And on a quiet night one asks ” how did X amount of years go by that fast ” ?
What a lovely post and lovely comments from the Enchanted Home community. Yes transitions can be difficult. When our last one went to college, my husband and I decided to make a concerted effort to do more together–play more golf, travel etc. We tend to focus on our kids and their activities, so when they are gone it can be a great time to rekindle and recommit to each other.
You have so much joy in store for you in the coming years! Before you know it, you may be in the “sandwich”, like me, caring for aging parent(s), and enjoying and caring for grandchildren too.
Last summer, the ‘perfect storm’ hit our house– both grown kids were transitioning to new houses, so for three months we had 8 people ages 2 to 95 and 5 dogs!
Tina, give yourself the grace to embrace this bitter-sweet time. Your boys are stretching their wings and making a place for themselves in this world–just exactly what you have wanted for them from the time they were born. Tears are a good thing!
Let’s all have a big group cyber-hug!!!
I was the mom who never rejoiced that school was starting because I loved my kids being home. It is hard when your kids leave and start their own stories. But I just want to give you this encouragement, when your kids get married and bless you with grandkids, grandkids are the best to come! They will bring your family so much joy. Gods blessings from heaven. You will have an advantage over other grandparents because you will be able to do things with your grandkids other older grandparents wish they could. Hang in there and enjoy this time. You’ve done a good job if your children are self supporting and happy in their. You really wouldn’t want it any other way. I too feel like we only get to keep our children too few years!
I am a mother of three grown children. I am fortunate enough to see them every other day with grandchildren in tow. But, I still miss the days of raising them. We have so many beautiful memories,of which I am so grateful.
I remember my Dad saying years and years ago: “your Mom and I were happiest when all ten of us were asleep under the same roof” I now now what he meant..
Our situations are very similar. I will be 47 in a few weeks. My youngest son is 17 and a Junior in high school. My 2 older sons are already in college. I have had so many of the same thoughts that you mentioned in this post. My boys were my biggest effort and labor of love, and it is very difficult to let that go. There are a few thoughts I try to focus on whenever my hearts starts aching too badly. First, I am grateful that my kids have not faced any tragedy that would have kept them from this station in life…so grateful. Second, besides being happy with my career, I am also fortunate to be able to finally travel and explore activities and hobbies that I set aside while being a mom. Finally, if it has to happen that they grow up and leave, and, it does, then at least I know that I was a plugged in mom who was there at almost every game, class party, and field trip. I was there to try to find ways to connect and communicate with my boys. I know that my heart was always about helping grow them into good men. Those are the thoughts I cling to whenever I start thinking about the empty nest phase of life that is on my horizon. Thank you for sharing this touching post. I’m right behind you.
As an 80 year old mother, I am still that 30 year old woman inside my heart with all the same feelings everyone has felt about motherhood. Why didn’t I have more children……..I can answer that one….lol….yet the nostalgia is there. I pass a mirror, oh yeah! and there is still that 30 year old woman in my heart with a 50, 60 and 70 year old body. Still looking pretty good…….
Did your Mom ever tell you not to put all your eggs in one basket? Mine did and my financial advisor backed her up.
Your investment in friends, part time work, volunteering, giving back to your community, trips, using your talents, gardening, reading and filling your spiritual needs are all invaluable assets.
And should your fortune cookie bless you with grandchildren, you have come full circle, once again.
Tina, I so enjoyed reading your post this morning and felt a catch in my throat and a tear welling up as I shared many of your same feelings. It is a gift to have raised your children well…and the fact that they can go off and be on their own is a tribute to our roles as parents. How awful it would be if they were in a situation where they couldn’t thrive outside of the “nest.” You have set a wonderful example for others, especially younger mothers, and I would reiterate the importance of making a life for yourself outside of your children. Look at the excitement, energy and fun you are having with your blog and business! Our goals as good mothers must be to not only raise our children well, but to make sure we raise ourselves well to have a meaningful life when they leave home.
I am a hop, skip, and a jump ahead of you Tina .. with a daughter that’s getting married in July and a son that’s moved to NY. It’s crazy isn’t it? THIS is what we wanted for our children, right? We spend 20 years raising them to be able to do what they are doing and we need to celebrate a job well done! You’ve immersed yourself in your business and blog and that’s exactly what you should be doing:) I’ve continued to work part time and have my blog as well and I’m glad I am busy and productive. It’s so important to continue to move forward in life .. we have the last half of our life to look forward to and we need to enjoy every minute!
YES !! THIS IS LIFE ! Well stated! Our Mothers would have said the same!!
Tina, It has been 14 years since my youngest went to college at 18. I cried all the way home after we dropped him off. It was an 18 hour drive home. I too was a young mother and was 47 when I my nest became empty. It becomes easier, but I will always miss the happy time when my kids were at home. I loved being a mother of young ones. I know that our job as parents is too teach our children to fly, but it is painful to let go. I too must be sentimental I cry at their baby pictures and commercials that feature young ones. Know you are not alone; many of us feel just as you do. Friends are great but nothing can replace our children. It is like closing a door on one of lives great stages in life. Take care!
My oldest is 26 and on her own. The 23 year old is getting married and my youngest is in his senior year of high school. I’ve cried many times already about my empty nest that’s coming quickly. And yet…it has to be this way. They have to leave. I think like you Tina. I’m 52 and was a younger mom and fully enjoyed that time of life and yet…I think we can embrace this stage of life. I’m not sure how. I see you filling the space with work and I’m editing my first book, so it’s a time of renewal in a way.
Somehow we have to welcome this new normal. I don’t have the answers. But we empty nesters can help the moms who are new to parenting. My friend volunteers to hold preemies in the hospital. Another volunteers at the high school. And I want to go back and help the little ones learn to read.
I hope we look for the good in this stage. I wish I could hug you and tell you it’s a great stage but I can’t. I think we’ll always mourn this loss. But grandchildren are coming to you…someday. And you will be a wonderful grandma!
This was your best blog EVER. This life journey has to be embraced at every stage, we just celebrated my husbands 80th birthday with our 3 boys , 3 wonderful daughter-in-laws, and 6 grandchildren, knowing we were the start of their life journey and seeing how well they have raised their children only brings joy to our lives. My husband was a West Point grad and I always remember the last line of their alma mater “and when our work is done our course on earth is run, may it be said,” Well Done. Embrace every single minute of your journey. P.S. Alma Mater means nourishing mother.
OMG You tear jerker you!!! I am sitting here with tears welling up in my eyes. I too have an empty nest after raising 3 boys who were under my roof for 31 years. I too never understood the parents who were all too ready to boot their kids out of the nest. I will admit when the 3rd one left it was much easier than when my 1st went off to college. Oh, the pain of it all. Just yesterday I looked at the clock and saw it was the time I usually left the house to pick my kids up from school. I used to have to plan my days around getting everything done that I needed to do before pickup time. Now I have all the time in the world to myself and my husband. It’s strange. I too am grateful for my blog which is a fulltime job. I am perplexed how moms with kids at home manage to be bloggers as well. Cheers to all us moms and the kids who make us better people.
You will always be there mother, and in one way or another, they will always need you. I promise you. My sons are 32 and 30. I just returned from spending a week helping plan the eldest’s wedding and he needed me. My youngest son bought his first house three hours away, and I’ve been helping him with monetary advice, decorating, etc. and he needed me. My husband’s father died and his mother moved to our city to be near us because she needed him. I promise you Tina, your children will always be your children and will always be in your life because you were such a wonderful mother to them and they will always, in one way or another, need you. They will always love you.
What a sweet post, Tina. I can certainly relate. Change is difficult for me. (Heck, I get upset if I have to park in a different spot at the mall!) I have just one child, and I miss him terribly, even though he lives just a few hours away. I also lost my dad six years ago, and I still miss him every day. Life goes on, as they say, but it’s not easy, especially for those of us who are sensitive and sentimental. A good friend of mine once told me that life is like a book with many chapters, each one filled with new experiences, people and places. I think it’s important to remember what has gone before but also to embrace what is ahead. Peace and love to you.
Dear Tina,
As you can see, a lot of us have been grappling with the same thing. Though I am a little older than you, with my oldest son in grad school and my youngest son in college, being older did not diminish the feelings of sorrow after they both left. I relished each and every phase of their lives: diapers, learning to walk and talk, then later running, writing, playing sports and musical instruments and then deciding where to go to college and what they wanted to do with their lives. It’s been a wonderful journey, but it’s not over yet. I always told myself that the best phase of the boys’ lives was the one I was in at that particular moment. I still believe that. Now I’m getting to know them as adults and we’ve had some really deep and amazing conversations. I don’t know what the future holds for any of us; just give yourself time to figure out what your new “normal” is and take care!
I totally agree with you on this, I am the mother who cries at the end of the summer holidays when the children go back to school, laughed at by so many, who cannot wait for the holidays to be over. I love every break and every weekend. Only one of our five is in college, the other four are still in regular school, but I know in just 8 years time all five of them will be gone and that will be just awful. As you can imagine with so many children our house is always full, always noisy, always just a little chaotic but it’s such a fun house.
Fantastic post! I am a bit behind you, 42 with 2 still at home. However I already feel them growing up as pre teens, they are no longer those little cubs that I always referred to (who always wanted to be by my side) now at 12 and 13 they are much more interested in being with their friends and at the movies,etc…so I think this is God’s way of preparing us for what is to come. Slowly i am giving them more independence, and the ebb and flow of their growing up with my willingness to let go is a journey we are on together.
My mom used to say “when you have kids who as young adults are ready to leave your nest, you know you did all you had to do. You have given them the wings to fly…now let them and let them soar. And despite how far they may roam, they will never forget where home is”
I do very much believe that. I am sure your boys will as they find their place in the world always enjoy going home to you, your husband and Teddy. Sounds like you created a wonderful and loving home. Kudos to you Tina.
Dear Tina, my heart goes out to you, as I’ve been in your shoes. The one thing I would say to you is that your response to this is unique to you and shouldn’t be compared to anyone else. I’ve lost a beloved husband, my parents, beloved pets, and experienced loss in its many forms, as we all do; and I’ve learned they all require a trip through the grief process. The sadness you’re feeling means you have loved well and none of us would give that up. Don’t be afraid of your sadness…just go with the flow and time will take care of the rest. Blessings.
Hi Tina, I feel your pain. I was 46 when our daughter left for college and moved out. That was ten years ago. She lives in the same city we do and we talk almost every day. We have always been dog people and had one or two always around, Now we have five. Four black labs and a fifteen year old Jack Russell. It fills the house with fun and play and bodies.
I look forward to your blog always!!
Tina, I was not a young mother, but embraced motherhood with a passion. I have come to appreciate that women feel the emotion of motherhood very differently. I believe that you and I were incredibly blessed to experience motherhood as soul filling joy. A gift unlike any other. A passion that will be with us always.
My two children are grown- one married, one engaged but my best times are still those minutes and hours when they are home. I was, assuredly, the most eager mother to become a Grandmother. Nineteen months ago that dream became a reality. Tina, however great were my expectations, the reality far surpasses those. I hope that when that day arrives for you, that you, too, will be filled with such overwhelming love that you will no longer want to turn back the clock. The soft sweet touch/smell of a new little person that is “yours” will fill your heart and soul too fully for any sadness. mm
I think I could have written every single word you wrote the exact same way. Down to the big house that I would give up to have a full small house again. You know I have written you and thanked you for your blog during this awful phase in my life. My creative outlet has been my refuge. So, know you are not alone! So happy that your blog and career fulfill you! Keep up the great work, you are a wonderful, inspiring woman. Thank you.
I dreaded the empty nest when my kids were babies. There was always a haunting awareness in the back of my mind that this precious stage wouldn’t last forever. However it did give me a greater joy and appreciation for my privileged job of being a mother. As each of our four children left I grieved. I then learned to turn my sorrow into gratitude to God for what had been. I love spending time with my adult children and my grandchildren. But then I read this post and the tears return-it’s not easy being a mother.
Tina,
My heart goes out to you. The angst you feel is so palpable. Transitions are hard for me as well. From the end of summers as kids to staring college to weddings, I always have a period of transition.
It gets easier, Tina, as you do exactly what you are doing. Finding meaning in other areas expands our horizons and stretches us. And when our children come home, we delight in each opportunity to embrace them and serve them and feed them their favorites! Then ….. slowly…we begin to get used to the new rhythm of our lives and we can bless them by our honoring their adulthood.
Tina,
Another way to look at it…be proud you raised them well…they aren’t home laying on your couch….they are making their own way…like you dreamed for them when they were small! It makes the times you get them back that much sweeter!
Happy Saturday, Tina! What a lovely, sentimental post…and on a topic that is near and dear to my heart. As you and I have often discussed, I have similar feelings. However, I am also aware that my empty nest has given me an opportunity to grow, that I didn’t seize when I was busy raising my three children. Halloween is rough for me too – I was out of town the past two years, but this year it really pulled at my heart strings (and made me feel OLD) to see all the young moms and little trick or treaters. Sending you big hugs and cheers to a fabulous weekend! xoxo
I feel exactly the same way. And Halloween is always a little bittersweet. My younger son is a sophomore in high school and I still have a couple more years left but when my older son left for college 2 years ago I had a very difficult time adjusting. I still do some days. Struggling with reinventing myself from mom, chauffeur, football and baseball mom, cheerleader, cook, class mom, etc. Wonderful friendships that were made. And I know when my younger son leaves home and plays his last baseball game it won’t be easy. So many happy memories. I am, however, excited to see how my boys develop into young men and what the future holds for them. I cherish each and every memory we have made.
It is always difficult when our children grow up. Mine are both adults with great professions and families of their own. I always feel very proud of them but also love all the memories of them as children. Now we have grandchildren and that really makes everything wonderful. Grandchildren are your biggest reward!
I had just been thinking about your Halloween Post and
How you hate the term empty nesters too! And I wanted to
Hear more on this subject! THANK YOU!
I miss my 2 sons terribly as well, they are a sophomore and
A junior in college. We live in south GA and the oldest is at
Michigan and the younger one 2 hours away.
My neighbor said tonight that I would always miss them.
SIGH. I enjoyed reading all the previous posts…I too wish
They could just be small again if only for a day.
At least when I text them and say I miss you they will respond I miss you too…
I enjoy your blog/thank you so much for the beautiful photos!
I love interior design as well and it’s a small happy part of my
Day when I get to open your emails!
I was an older mom (40 When my first was born and 41 with my second), but I had that empty nest feeling when my girls left for college. I think it doesn’t matter what age you are. And I had a fulfilling job as an elementary school teacher and a busy life, but still felt it! Even now, 15 years later, I miss them every time I go into their rooms. If it were possible, I would let them come back and live with us! That said, Tina, just wait until the grandchildren come along. You can actually relive some of the most wonderful times, such as Halloween, Christmas and Easter. When you hear grandmothers tell how great grandparenting is, believe them! You have something to look forward to.
I am with you! I have said and thought your words so many times. I live in Savannah and my girls are both in Atlanta with their families, so at least it is only a 4 hour drive. The worst is coming home to a dark, quiet home. As I write this I am sitting in my daughter’s kitchen, waiting for the other daughter to come pick us up foe a trip to DisneyWorld with our only little granddaughter-3 years old. So it is not all bad…as you know. Bless you.
For me, my greatest joy was raising my three great kids, so the loss I feel is in direct proportion to that. At 66, that feeling hasn’t changed at all. I can relate to what you said about giving it all up for those days gone by with sticky smudged windows, clothes strewn floors, and all the rest. My two grandchildren live far away, so there is little in the way of really sharing in their lives–face-time and the not- enough- trips to visit them will never come close to what hubby and I wish for. The happy part, is that all that love and caring helped forge the wonderful and kind adults they became. My son, who has the children, turned out to be the kind of dad every child hopes to have, and I couldn’t be more proud! My heart just swells with so much joy watching how he is with his little ones. Hopefully, at retirement for my younger hubby, we will get the opportunity to spend much more time with everyone–CAN’T WAIT!
Tina, I haven’t read the other comments and apologize if this is duplicative of others. I see myself where you are in five short years when my youngest heads to college (my eldest will be there in three years). I am already planning a return either to the paid workforce or a more serious volunteer commitment. I do think it helps if you can do something where you get to spend time with children. I have started volunteering twice a week tutoring a new refugee family with five children. Even though the children are not super young (they range in age from 11-19), they are so appreciative of the time I am spending with them and the things I have been able to help them with (For example, their apartment was furnished by our church with the standard four kitchen chairs, yet they needed seven in order to dine together as a family — super easy fix by a quick ask of my local friends with basements full of unused furniture.) Perhaps you could start doing some volunteer work with children? There are so many needy children out there who would love and really appreciate what you could give them. And your boys would probably appreciate any pressure being taken off of them to produce grandchildren sooner rather than later. 🙂
Oh, and I wanted to add that I should have read your post last night, when I was acting like a total grump because my 9th grade son had team dinners both weekend nights, and I was spending my Friday and Saturday nights dropping him off and picking him up from teammate’s homes. (And no carpool options because we live in the “outlier” in-town neighborhood from his teammates.) It is hard to take the long view when you feel like all you do is chauffeur kids around 24/7, but I need to remember that in just a few short years neither of my kids will need me to drive them anywhere. Sad!
My mantra has always been there is joy at every stage. My oldest just started a career and a new apartment many states away where he went to college, and I enjoyed helping him deck out his new pad. We talk weekly and he’s got a long time girlfriend there so I see our relationship will likely be long distance in the future. That’s ok. My youngest is a high school senior choosing an in state college so perhaps he will set roots here. Biggest challenge is 53 yr old husband has terminal cancer so my future as an empty nester will literally be a solo future. While it’s hard to imagine joy at that stage, I feel compelled to live my mantra today and remain positive. And not drop to a puddle on the floor. So not to bring the group here down, but remember it could be worse, let yourself feel sad but be so grateful if your loved ones have health. You can find joy at every stage.
Tina, I am right there with you……it’s sooooo hard to be an “empty nester” now and would do anything to have the earlier years back, along with all of the chaos, commotion, drama (girls) and rushing from one sporting event to the next! I think you hit the nail on the head when you said it is most likely your age! I am just one year younger than you and became an “empty nester” two years ago. While I am super busy now, I do miss the kids and how alive the home is when they are here! That being said, it’s so fun watching them all form their own lives, discover new interests and become well-grounded adults!
Hi Tina,
Loved this post, and it is a good thing you have a blog and a business to tend to! I have a 25 and 29 year old, and I have been lost for a good many years trying to figure out life without them home. I’m now 56, and still feeling very adrift. I was a stay at home mom, and never fostered my own hobbies or likes. Seems so sad to me now! My kids were both out of state, to make things even harder! One is now back, but is still 2 hours away, so we don’t see her as often as we’d like. Best to all the moms out there trying to figure this out!
Brigid
Hello Tina,
What a beautiful and heartfelt post. It is wonderful you have those deep and special feelings about your time with your sons and watching them grow up. No doubt they feel so lucky to have a mother who has been there for them, loving, and cheering on their every step to becoming fine young men. You can be proud of their ever evolving journey and hopefully you will enjoy the partners they select and watch your family grow. It is so special to be a part of seeing them in relationships, marry and start their own family. Grandchildren are such a wonderful gift that you will hopefully experience and can go to those games again, celebrate holidays together and tell them all about their father when they were young. Celebrate this transition and all that you have accomplished. I am certain your sons are very proud of their loving mother. The best is yet to come. You’ll see.
Donna
Tina, you are always so open to your readers and you reveal many of the same feelings some of us have. You express it beautifully and I for one, appreciate the way you remind us to explore our deeper side.
My children left the nest many years ago, and it is just as hard to see them off after a visit, as it was the day they got on the bus to kindergarten, and the drop off at college….
My last of three babies, a junior in high school, is still home and I am already fearful of the day when the house is empty.
Thanks for your brave words, so many friends are embracing this change and I am not at the party.
Tina, you’ve just written about me – how did you know what I was going throug 14 years ago??? But then my first grandchild arrived! Now I have five & my life is transformed. I get to experience all the joys, none of the “total” responsibility and I’m loving this new place in my life. We’ve moved to be close enough to participate in their lives and creat memories.
While your life is in a different stage now, enjoy what you’ve created and know so long as you’re creating you’re living life to the fullest, setting a high bar still your sons will realize as they get older. Thankful for life’s blessings –
This is such a wonderful post. I to am an empty nester after raising four children. My home is quiet and I would love to return to the days when all of my children were with me. I to find that Halloween is a so so holiday for me and I miss all the fun that I had, Your post made me shed a tear and so well written. Tina , I only wish I lived closer to get to know you better. Thank you for speaking to all of us empty nesters on thoughts that no one writes about. YOU made my day!!
WOW! I felt, feel the same now that my children are gone (and its been 6 years for me since the “baby” left) and I too cry and get emotional every time at these commercials, life goes by so fast and then…. but at the same time I live in a college town and every September when the freshmen come in, I can see and feel their excitement as they start their new life! (yes they left us, and are now out on their own, but oh what the world has in store for them…) and I smile for a good month (event thou the traffic has increased a hundredfold!) AND thank you so much for your blog…it’s a nice place.
Welled up just reading your post. My children are 7 years apart, so they were both kind of like only children. Our daughter was first to leave the nest in 2002 off to college. We were lucky that we got to see her almost every weekend as she played a sport and we went to every one of her games both at home and away, great times. Baby brother was then at home and he left for college across the state and I thought I was going to die. He finished his studies and then went to Germany for 6 months to complete his masters, again thought I was going to die. I have survived and it is still so pointed when I look a pictures when they were young. It is good to know and a comfort that both of our children have made their way, good jobs and both have bought homes,
LIVING THE DREAM
Thanks so much for this post and love your blog, such a nice place to come to :O)